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11 things sex in the movies lied to us about

It’s not like this AT ALL.

EVERYTHING IS SO glamorous in the sex scenes of movies – but it’s so much different in the real world.

Hollywood tells us traumatising lies like:

1. Clothes always slide off bodies in a ridiculously smooth manner

tumblr_inline_nobvjiXLx91s2dc0s_500 Source: Tumblr

In real life, jeans get caught on ankles and you have to fumble around for a few minutes just to get your shoes off.

2. That switching positions is a seamless manoeuvre

tumblr_ndlcvgplLk1tuagizo1_500 Source: Tumblr

Nobody ever discusses what position is next either – it just happens.

Nice story, Hollywood.

3. That peoplewrap themselves in sheets when they’re strolling around the place

sheet Source: Youtube


Awkwardly walking naked across the room is the cornerstone of actual sex.

4. Manky socks don’t exist in the bedroom

14-Merino-Bed-1 Source: Merinodownunder

Given the amount of passionate lovemaking happening on screen, you’ll never see a pair of old socks still hanging around the protagonists’ feet. If they are in such a rush, this would always happen.


5. That sweeping things off desks is an appropriate thing to do

tumblr_mxqtqrmmho1qjdbtso1_400 Source: Perezhilton

Do that in real life and you’re liable to have a stern conversation about keeping the gaff tidy.

6. The bed clothes stay stain free throughout

letsdoitagain Source: Shemazing

Hollywood doesn’t tend to show the wet patch in the middle of the bed. That gets glossed over. The characters never have to awkwardly lie around it either.

For shame.

7. The bath tub in your gaff is the perfect place for sex

giphy Source: Giphy

Regular baths aren’t designed for this sort of carry on. Memo to Hollywood directors: we don’t live in luxury hotels.

8. The awkward moment of putting on the condom is never, ever mentioned

tumblr_lknks4oVcP1qe2k7g Source: Tumblr

Everyone who has had to stop what’s going on to slide on a condom will tell you that those seconds are the least sexy thing ever. And they need some recognition.

9. Orgasms happen in about 30 seconds

9937167 Source: Gr-assets

Usually against a wall for convenience.

10. That you look really glamorous straight after

tumblr_mfjnajJhbk1rz1w3wo1_500 Source: Tumblr

Real life is more two sweaty, red-faced people who couldn’t even be arsed to try and look cool.

We’re not lighting up cigarettes and looking like we’re straight out of a CK ad either.

11. That all men lie outside the covers after and women are underneath them

tumblr_m3h3t8TNfl1qhc20lo1_500 Source: Tumblr

Convenient for the movies? Yes.

But real life sees two barely covered people trying not to fall asleep and basking in their obvious nakedness.

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About the author:

David Elkin

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