IRISH PEOPLE KNOW the one way you can piss us off at St Patrick’s Day.
Call it St Pattys? Yes, but also dying things green.
Green beer shows up at every American party. Green hair becomes a natural look.
But the Shamrock Shake is the final kick in the teeth. A mint milkshake dyed green and presented as a symbol of Irishness.
It’s back, very early, and my God, why can’t we hate you?
1. Why are people so surprised we can get it in Ireland?
IT’S OURS.
2. Is it essentially toothpaste and E numbers?
3. They can’t get it in the UK, which is a small victory in itself, but is that not a bit harsh?
WE have radioactive green dairy, how about you?
4. Why do the American ones look like they might explode at any moment?
Stop adding chocolate and cherries and all sorts!
5. Is this what a shamrock actually tastes like?
6. Y’know, is it even Spring until you these hit the shops?
Or Christmas, maybe.
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7. Why don’t they just introduce them all year round?
8. Finally, did you know that they’re the perfect hangover cure?
All that sugar, colouring, and cold creamy milk sure does take it out of you.
