TIME, TIME, TIME, isn’t on your side.
Your life got a jump start in the last few months and hasn’t yet returned to normal. You’re sure of it.
1. You’re JUST over the weekend and it’s almost Friday again
While you keep wishing the weekdays away, you can’t help but notice that yet another one is gone and you’ve achieved NOTHING.
Slow the hell down, time.
2. It’s APRIL, for God’s sake
There’s only 266 sleeps to Christmas, and about 20 until we start seeing decorations in shops. We still have a few stray decorations up from 2013.
End this.
3. The stretch is freaking you out
You didn’t even get a chance to enjoy the cosy dark evenings and now they’ve been so cruelly snatched away from you by the cruel concept that is passing time.
4. Holidays aren’t even on a timeline for you any more
Easter? Wasn’t that two weeks ago? You’ve been eating eating chocolate eggs since January like it ain’t nothing.
Nothing is sacred any more when you can enjoy a bag of jelly hearts, a chocolate egg and a shamrock shake in one time-warping sugary meal.
5. You have had at least three minor panic attacks about the fleeting seconds
WHERE IS MY LIFE GOING? While you ponder that, six days have passed.
Pause time, we want to get off for a second.
Oh, we can’t.
6. Your birthday is creeping up, AGAIN
When you were younger they took ages to get here, now they’re a thing of fast-approaching dread.
7. Your pregnant friend was only with-child for like, two days
Her whole pregnancy was this quick. You go to visit her in hospital and realise she’s just had her second.
8. Your kids look like this when they wake up
You blink, and they’re giving you tude before bedtime.
9. You haven’t seen your Aunt Mary since before Christmas
That’s not too long ago, right? Oh, it’s almost four months… You’ll get to her eventually.
10. That thing you said you’d do ‘tomorrow’ was at least ten months ago
You’ve missed the cut-off date and everything you bought in your last shop has already expired.
Damn you time, damn you.
