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thirtysomething

21 signs you are an Irish thirtysomething

“You can’t believe there are people born after Italia 90 who earn more than you.”

1. You can’t remember the names of your friends’ children, but you still remember your childhood friend’s home phone numbers off by heart

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Helpful!

2. Your life is now just one long series of weddings

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And you no longer get excited by the prospect of going to one.

Instead, youu just spend time calculating how much money you’ll need to spend and quietly resenting your friends for inflicting this financial burden on you.

3. “I’m still only young!” is no longer an acceptable thing to say your aunty when she asks why you’re not married

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4. Not only do you know married people, but you know people with failed marriages

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5. You haven’t a notion what The Point is called anymore

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6. Britpop totally defined your adolescence

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And you still have strong opinions about the Blur vs. Oasis rivalry AND YOU WILL FIGHT ANYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH YOU.

7. In fact, you briefly considered buying tickets to this so you could relive the glory days of your youth

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“Do I like Stone Roses? Do I need to go to Stone Roses? Am I elderly if I don’t?”

8. And you still think of the 1990s as being 10 years ago

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9. Oh, and REM’s Automatic For The People is one of the finest albums of our generation, thank you very much

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10. You find it offensive that there are people born after Italia ’90 who get paid more than you

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11. And the thought of teenagers not knowing what Maniac 2000 is makes you want to take to the bed

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12. You can’t believe they have films on the Leaving Cert

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Watching Billy Elliott in school? Not in our day.

13. Your Mam has gone from being terrified you will have a child to being terrified you won’t have a child

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14. And your reaction to friends telling you that they are pregnant has gone from “Oh shite, what did Eoin say?” to “Congratulations!”

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15. You’ve been meaning to sort your pension out for the last five years now

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16. But as far as your Mam knows, it’s sorted

We won’t tell if you don’t.

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17. You drink bottles at parties, not cans

Your bags of cans days are behind you.

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18. And you’ve experienced both a two-day hangover and a two-drink hangover

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19. You’ve willingly gone for hikes/long walks on the weekend

You, age 23: “A hike in Wicklow? Head off for yourself.”

You, age 34: “That sounds lovely. I’ll make sure to bring the various waterproofs, because I am an adult.”

20. And you realise now that you don’t have to stay in bed on Saturday and Sunday mornings

Wait, you’re allowed get up before 11am on a Sunday? Why didn’t someone tell you this when you were in your 20s?

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21. You mean it when you say you don’t care what you get for Christmas

(But you will kill your Mam if she forgets to buy you a selection box.)

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