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Dublin: 9 °C Saturday 7 December, 2019
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20 stages of PMS every woman will recognise

Every damn month.

83dEpji The Ultimate PMS Care Package Source: Imgur

Day 1:

  • Wake up and feel really bloated for some reason. Like you’ve eaten three loaves of bread and a full block of cheese the night before. 
  • Have an emotional crisis while trying to button your jeans and decide that you’re definitely putting on weight.
  • Identify a little too much with the lady in that Senokot ad carrying around an actual bag of dirt.
  • Spend whole day feeling pissed off that pyjama bottoms are “inappropriate” for the workplace and daydreaming about wearing something with a stretchy waistband.

shutterstock_154335968 Source: Shutterstock/Ozgur Coskun

Day 2:

  • A black cloud has descended. Everything is stupid and you’re not in the mood for people. 
  • WHY IS THE BLOODY SIEVE IN THE PRESS WITH THE CUPS? WE KEEP THE SIEVE UNDER THE SINK AND HAVE DONE FOR TWO YEARS. WHAT IS ACTUALLY WRONG WITH YOU?
  • OH, DON’T INDICATE WHATEVER YOU DO, MORON. *furiously beeps*
  • WHY IS THE WORLD TESTING MY PATIENCE LIKE THIS?

shutterstock_383137816 Source: Shutterstock/file404

Day 3:

  • Yesterday’s irritation has today blossomed into a full-blown existential crisis. What’s the point of anything? Everything is hopeless.
  • Oh great, now I am weeping openly at a Permanent TSB ad. What the hell is wrong with me?
  • Time to take to the bed and have a cry to Tracy Chapman.
  • “SO REMEMBER WHEN WE WERE DRIVING, DRIVING IN YOUR CAR?” *gentle, defiant sobbing*

shutterstock_224768845 Source: Shutterstock/Amanda Carden

Day 4:

  • Oh good, I have a spot that resembles an Icelandic geyser on my chin. 
  • Aaaaaand no amount of make-up is going to hide it. What a thrill it is to be a woman ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • *starts to tear up because nothing is going your way* Would it be weird to take a sick day over a spot?
  • Get a goddamn hold of yourself, woman. Christ almighty.

shutterstock_341916482 Source: Shutterstock/Sasa Komlen

Day 5:

  • Wake up and feel like your uterus is stabbing you.
  • Suddenly you start to piece everything together. The bad mood… the feeling of hopelessness… the weight gain… the hideous pimple…
  • It’s just my period!!! Oh my God, thank God. I thought I was losing my mind.
  • How do I forget this every month, lol

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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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