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Dublin: 22 °C Friday 7 August, 2020

9 things that never work but everyone does anyway


1. Promising yourself that you’re going to go to bed early tonight

giphy (6) Source: littleanimalgifs/Tumblr

Until you look at the clock and realise it’s 11.30pm.

Sure, you can’t go to bed now – you just started an episode of House of Cards.

2. Buying clothes that are too small as an incentive to lose weight

giphy (8) Source: collegecandy

This never works.


3. Recording things instead of watching them because you’re “not in the mood”

That very serious documentary you taped a few weeks ago? You’re never going to be “in the mood” to watch it.

Don’t lie to yourself.

4. Trying to take photos at concerts

You go for this…

Beyonce - Mrs. Carter World Tour 2014 - Manchester Source: AP/Press Association Images

And end up with this.

5. Pretending that you’re just out for “a few drinks”

Cut to…

6. Trying to win over trolls on social media

call4beach Source: Call4Beach/Flickr

That troll that’s trying to get a rise out of you on Twitter? You’re never going to change his/her mind, regardless of how articulate/well-informed/reasonable your argument is.

Don’t even go there.

7. Constantly postponing software updates until it becomes a massive nightmare to deal with

You’re just bringing misery on yourself.

8. Pushing the button on traffic lights like an absolute lunatic as if it’s ever going to speed up the process

Traffic_light_modern_version_Ireland_Dublin_4_red_2009-09-27 Source: Wikimedia Commons

“Wow, she’s pushed the button nine times now — she must really be in a rush. Better get the green light going!”

- no traffic lights ever

9. Having faith that these signs will ever work

no junk mail Source: Bill Smith/Flickr

“After Mary stuck a No Junk Mail sign to her letterbox, she never received junk mail again and lived happily ever after.”

Nothing but a fairytale, unfortunately.


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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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