Dublin: 1 °C Friday 27 January, 2023
# shhhh
The 8 things that will ruin your cinema trip

One of these people is about to ruin your day (

1. Arriving a bit late

You know how it is, you’re sweating a bit from running through the overheated lobby.

You didn’t have time to select the best Pick n Mix.

You did an embarrassing trip up the stairs because the lights were already off and you try to act like nothing happened, furrowing your brow as you search for a seat.

You’re sitting too close/too far away.

You’ve missed a couple of trailers, or, God forbid, a bit of the fillum.

You might as well just go home. It’s ruined.

2. Late comers

If you’re lucky enough to be on time, you’ll almost certainly spend some time scowling at the late comers.

But never forget… there but for the grace of God goes you.

3. The prices

“Two popcorns, one large drink and a bag of minstrels and a choc nut Cornetto”.


4. The chewers

More often than not, the lovely film is drowned out by the sound of some hound slurping and licking and crunching and chewing their way through enough snacks to feed an elephant.

They have no concept that the sound they make ripping other yet another share pack of Skittles is so colossal that it can be heard in space, and when they laugh bits of popcorn spray from their mouths onto the unsuspecting noggins in front of them.

There is a special place in hell for these people.

5. The gob lobbers


6. The whisperers and talkers



7. The phone-checkers

Hey you, on your phone. We can see your face lit up with an eerie glow every time you check the poxy thing.

8. The people who leave one seat free

You know the ones. The cinema’s almost full, but they won’t move up to close the one seat gap, lest their arm might graze off that of a stranger during the film.

You people are on my list. It’s not a good list.


Aaaannnd breathe.

This is what movies would look like without visual effects>

Your weekend movies… Identity Thieves and Nicolas Cage>

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