Dublin: 15 °C Sunday 13 June, 2021

7 people you definitely ran into at The Wezz

Those were the days.

PastedImage-10576 Source: Google Maps

1. The girl up at the DJ booth requesting Black Eyed Peas’ ‘I Gotta Feeling’ for the seventh time

It’s taken her a few tries but she’s finally clambered up to that booth, and God knows she’s not getting down until she’s listed off her entire iTunes Top 25 to the poor guy in the hi-vis who just wants to play A-ha’s ‘Take On Me’ one more time.

She’s shouting song titles but the DJ can’t hear her over the roaring of Basshunter’s ‘Now You’re Gone.’ Every now and then he’ll shrug and say “Sorry love, don’t have it.” Rather than feeling dejected she defaults to 2009’s #SoundOfTheSummer ‘I Gotta Feeling.’ It’s been played twice an hour since she got here but sure look, it’s a banger.

Other popular requests can, and will, include: Cascada’s ‘Everytime We Touch,’ Kesha’s ‘Tik Tok,’ and DJ Mark McCabe’s timeless classic ‘Maniac 2000.’

2. The lad shifting your best mate on the dance floor who quickly turns around to shift your other best mate


This lad’s been to The Wezz once or twice in his time. He knows the craic. And the craic is to shift as many people as you can in the space of 3 hours before being collected by your Da at 1am.

Two whole sentences will be uttered by this guy during his entire night: “Will you shift me mate?” and “Fine, will you shift me instead?”

He eventually heads home safe in the knowledge that he’s officially earned the respect of his lad friends, and that absolutely none of the girls he shifted could possible have given him a fake phone number.

3. Your man who legged it across the rugby pitch to hop the smoking area barrier to get in for free

… Only to be detained by six bouncers and mercilessly thrown out of the club approximately 10 seconds later.

You may have had to attend The Wezz two or three times before you caught a glimpse of this lad, but when you did, you never forgot him – a blurry figure in a GAA jersey bombing it across the pitch, expertly vaulting over the barrier into the smoking area, three cans in hand. The crowd erupts. A strange sense of pride swallows the space.

Sure, this lad is thrown out almost immediately, but he’s done what very few have done before, and what almost nobody is willing to try – he’s gotten into The Wezz for free.

CSHNzc0WIAAwVyr Source: Ross Mc Keon, Twitter

4. The girl hanging out in the bathroom telling all the other girls how unreal they look

By the end of the night she’ll be your best mate. You’ll have added her on bebo. She’ll definitely be at least a 7 in your Top 16 by the time you get home. You may even go for a little dance together if she’d ever leave the bathroom.

Variants of “Oh my god girl, where did you get those purple suede 6 inch heels?” and “Your crackle effect nail varnish is unreal, like!” will echo throughout the bathroom for the entire night. No matter who you are, where you’ve come from, or whose crush you may have accidentally shifted, this girl will compliment you – and she’ll mean it.

5. The lad who sculled a naggin in the queue and is now passed out in the drunk room

Unbeknownst to this lad, the doormen are being extra thorough and it looks like that sneaky naggin of Two Trees nestled in his jacket pocket is about to be taken off him. Unwilling to lose out of the whole fiver he spent on the drink, he downs it in the queue.

Girls are impressed. Lads cheer. He makes it all of two metres into The Wezz before collapsing and being unceremoniously dragged to the drunk room, where he will spend the remaining 40 minutes of his night before his parents are called to collect him.

PastedImage-32292 Source: FineWinesOffie


6. The girl who always shows up with her 18 year old boyfriend

… Who is now sitting alone in a corner minding all the bags.

The younger fellas have been eyeing him up with suspicion all night and the bouncers keep trying to have a laugh with him because they think he’s one of them. His girlfriend brought him along because she wanted them to spend some quality time together. And also because he bought her and her mates a crate of WKD to share between them.

He’s pretty useful, in fairness.

PastedImage-37473 Source: Dolores M., Yelp

7. The girl who accidentally leaned against a wall and is now covered in the sweat of a thousand teenagers

Too many underage, hormonal 16 year olds packed into a dark room can only mean one thing – sweaty walls.

This girl has only been to The Wezz once. Her friends warned her of the perils of the moist walls, but she didn’t listen. Having momentarily lost her mates she casually leans against a wall to get her bearings.

Her upper arm comes away slick with moisture, and a little bit sticky. It’s nasty. Some lad offers her a tissue. He nods, knowingly.

“Here, we don’t touch the walls,” he says.


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