1. Getting a horse in a draw at work that hasn’t a hope in hell of winning
2. Before frantically looking for “tips” because you haven’t a bull’s notion about horse racing
THEY’RE ALL GIVING ME DIFFERENT TIPS.
WHO CAN I TRUST?
3. And when that fails, scouring the line-up for a name you like
“Whatyoumaycallit – that’s a funny name for a horse! I’ll bet all my money on him!”
4. Walking into the bookies and making the stingiest bet ever
“€2 each way, please.”
5. Gathering with your loved ones to watch the race and feeling stupidly confident
6. As you attempt to calculate your potential winnings
I could win €187!
I think.
Actually, I don’t understand this.
7. Trying and failing to identify your horse
8. Before hearing the commentator announce that he’s “trailing behind the pack”
9. But maybe he can still place!
10. Aaaaand he’s fallen
11. You start muttering, “Betting is a mug’s game” and walk away before it even ends
With just a mild trace of bitterness in your voice.
12. Before logging on to Facebook and seeing some smug so-and-so brag about winning €250
Happy Grand National, everyone!
