HAVE A YOUNG child?
Teach them these 15 pearls of wisdom and they won’t go wrong.
1. First of all, you must learn the art of the Irish apology.
2. Put on suncream, but don’t worry if you get a bit of sunburn — sure, it’ll turn to tan anyway.
3. No address? No problem! An Post always finds a way, my child.
4. If you have these nine words, you’ll be able to make it through just about any hairy situation
Guaranteed to get you out of any hairy situation you may find yourself in.
5. Advice: he best way to bond with fellow Irishmen is to find something to complain about
The weather, the government, the GAA — whatever you fancy.
6. But if you have a legitimate complaint to make in, say, a restaurant, keep it to yourself
Oh, your food is cold? Don’t tell the waiter/waitress. Just keep it to yourself, complain about it on the way home and make a solemn vow to “never go back there”.
That’s the Irish way.
7. Respect and value the wisdom of An Garda Síochána
8. Don’t venture out into the world unless you’re armed with a handful of vague phrases for getting out of conversations
- I’ll leave you go.
- Don’t let me keep you.
- Sure, look, this is it.
9. Just ignore spellcheck. It doesn’t know what it’s talking about.
10. You’ll need to get to grips with IST (Irish Standard Time)
11. And you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that public transport runs on IST.
“Son, that bus might say it’s due in 3 minutes, but it won’t be here for 12 minutes.”
12. You’ll never starve if you can say the words, “Can I have a chicken fillet roll?”
13. Repeat after us: it’s not ham sandwich, it’s hang sangwich
14. If you don’t know a boy or a girl’s name, simply refer to them as “your man” or “your woman”
Perfectly acceptable.
15. Finally, learn this song and you’ll be the life of every party
