THE WEATHER IS fine, whip out the barbecue. Or, if it’s raining, that’s OK too.
But here’s what’s gonna go down. Or up… in flames.
1. Most of it will be indoors
Sure we’ll do the hard part in the oven, just to be safe.
2. It’ll rain
And it was SO lovely an hour ago.
3. One person will do everything and will be constantly criticised for it
Prepare to have your technique scrutinised and sabotaged, all while wearing a fancy apron. You gas ticket.
4. Everyone will be paranoid about food poisoning
You’re worried that your disposable barbie isn’t quit up to the job so char everything just to be sure.
5. Cans are to be found in an ice bucket
Obviously.
6. Most things will get burned
Including all the guests.
7. There will be either far too much or far too little to go around
Oh we bought just a perfect amount of food for everyone, said no barbecuer ever.
8. Burger buns will be forgotten
DAMMIT.
9. Flies will try to ruin everything
Cover that salad for the love of God.
Or, the unspeakable could always happen…
10. Things will blow over to the point of annoyance
Sayonara napkin, paper plate, and full set of garden furniture.
11. Everyone will eat too much just because it’s there
Leftovers? We must fight the big fight.
Throw on more condiments to make it go down easier.
12. Neighbours will deeply resent the smell
Jealous much? Sure come in for a beer.
13. People will comment on how there’s ‘still great heat out of that’ hours after the bbq is put out
And dear readers, there was still great heat outta that.
