Dublin: 6 °C Saturday 5 December, 2020

10 things guaranteed to happen at every Irish family gathering


1. First things first, someone will get inappropriately sloshed

Taxi for Aunty Josie. She’s had too much sherry.

giphy (5) Source: gofortopher/Tumblr

2. If you are single, there will be a family tribunal set up to find out exactly why you are single

What’s a young healthy girl like you doing with no boyfriend? Are there no… dances you could go to? I suppose you’d all be heading to Coppers. *judgmental muttering*

giphy (7) Source: Giphy

3. You will be hounded by children to go out and play football with them

*half-heartedly tackles a seven-year-old*

“Ah lads, I’m bet now. Going to go back inside.”

giphy (8) Source: cheeznburger

4. Everyone will play ‘pass the parcel’ with whatever baby is in attendance

*makes funny faces at baby for 20 minutes, passes him/her onto next aunty*

giphy (4) Source: tobewicked/Tumblr

5. As the day wears on, a child will be accused of being a “bit cross”

FU2DSp1461162485 Source: Imgur

 6. A group of uncles will quietly retreat to another room to watch whatever GAA match is on the telly

Every so often, you’ll hear some roars of “Come on!” from the other room.

insta Source: Kilkenny Hurling Bits & Bobs/YouTube

7. You will be force fed a slice of apple tart/fruit cake and have 13 cups of tea

“Ah go on, you’ll have a bit of tart. Ah go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on… ”

4b91fe7d-5cb4-4403-b918-a99b3798ccdc Source: Channel 4

8. There’ll be an in-depth discussion about Your Man Murphy who recently died

Among the topics that will be discussed are…

  • How he was in “a bad way” for a while
  • Who his brother/sister/wife/first cousin was
  • Whether his daughter is still *whispers* separated from that fella from up the road

This will last at least two hours.

9. A family story nobody has ever previously heard will be unearthed

Usually told by one of the older relatives who has nothing to lose.

“My father used to sell eggs to Michael Collins.”


giphy (9) Source: bvsedneverbasic/Tumblr

10. The whole family will be forced to take 124 photos together


And at the end you’ll end up with a beautiful family portrait…

F0QrUs9 Source: Imgur

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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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