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Dublin: 7 °C Sunday 13 October, 2019

9 of the stranger things millennials have been accused of murdering

If it doesn’t have avocados in it, we’re not interested.

BEING A MILLENNIAL isn’t always easy. The housing market is pretty much inaccessible to us, we’re more depressed than our parents and our love of avocados and coffee will lead us to financial ruin apparently.

Source: GIPHY

Add to that our handy knack of killing off just about every industry you can imagine and you can safely say we’re leading a tough life out here.

Here’s 9 of the wilder things we’ve been accused of killing.

1. Napkins

According to a 2016 survey, us millennials have no time for napkins. We prefer paper towels for their ability to clean up messes of all sizes. A discussion of the topic in the Washington Post was about as highbrow as you can get.

I think napkins have been a bit of a fatality of the trend towards more informal entertaining.

That’s us told so.

Source: GIPHY

2. Diamonds

I mean why buy diamonds when brunch exists right? There are a number of reasons for this decrease including the average age of marriage increasing and the other thing of DIAMONDS BEING REALLY EXPENSIVE AND SORT OF POINTLESS.

3. Manners

According to one article, us millennials killed the use of words like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ which means manners are dead. Sorry I don’t make the rules.

Source: GIPHY

4. The EU

Bad news guy, we murdered the EU, I’m sorry. Despite the fact 75% of 18-24 year olds backed ‘Remain’ over Brexit, the EU is gone, murdered in cold blood by us millennials.  We truly are unstoppable.

Source: GIPHY

5. Threesomes

Millennials are having less sex than our parents even though our attitudes towards sex would be considering more open (see Trinity SU giving away discounted vibrators this week).

However, we’re slaughtering the good old tradition of threesomes because according to one survey, 15 partners or more is too promiscuous for us which makes threesomes or group sex more unappealing. Someone better tell Nelly.

Source: GIPHY

6. Yogurt 

Not even staple dairy products are safe from us. The yogurt industry, in particular light yogurt isn’t as popular with us avocado-munchers as everyone else. We just prefer cheese or frozen yogurt ok?

Source: GIPHY

7. Trees

Yep. They’re all dead. Just like that. Every single one of them. Unless you can put it on some form of toast with poached eggs and a side of polenta, we’re not interested. Who needs oxygen anyway?

Source: GIPHY

8. Baby names

Incredibly calling our kids names that aren’t the most popular names apparently means we’ve killed baby names as whole. Forget Jack and Emily, we want to name our kids Ava (short for Avacado of course) and Sneachta.

Source: GIPHY

9. Serendipity

Someone we have ruined nice things happening to us by accident now. I give up.

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About the author:

Rachel O'Neill

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