WE ALL KNOW too well the emotional and physical delights that make up PMS or premenstrual syndrome.
Common symptoms prior to ‘shark week’ can include cramps, muscle aches, acne, bloating, tiredness and irritability – although if your roomate Conor has drunkenly eaten the leftover Mars Easter egg you were *specifically* saving for your PMS, who wouldn’t have an unholy meltdown and curse the day that Conor’s mother brought him into the world?
A recent survey in the UK says 20% of British women under 40 are too embarrassed to talk about their periods.
But why suffer in silence?
Not talking about something creates a taboo, when in fact what the symptoms you’re struggling through are perfectly normal. Here are 5 PMS symptoms that you might have been embarrassed to chat about with anyone or you might not have thought to link them to PMS.
1. Mouth and gum pain
The increased level of sex hormones right before your period can increase blood circulation to your gums, meaning that they may become swollen, turn red and feel tender and more sensitive. Fantastic timing there – just when your insatiable hunger for crunchy cheese toasties is at its peak. Your ability to fight plaque formation is lowered, so although women tend to take better care of their teeth than men, you need to be vigilant in maintaining your brushing habits during this time. Being pregnant, using the pill, or menopause can also create an hormonal imbalance which affects your oral health.
Great!
2. Anxiety
During the week before your period, your estrogen levels are at their lowest and a stress hormone called cortisol increases. The two together create the demon child of mental health – anxiety! You can become trapped in your own head, incessantly worrying if the mole on your forearm was always so dark or if you even actually like animals even though you’re in final year of your lifelong dream of becoming a vet. Better start frantically googling how to become a spanish teacher in South America. For your own well-being, try to gently remind yourself that your existential crisis about your life choices and the fate of the world in Donald Trump’s teeny-tiny hands feels more acute because of your hormones.
3. Period poos
To keep you on your toes, your body might make you poop more or you might poop less. Variety is the spice of life after all! Your body releases a hormone called prostaglandins, which dilates your blood vessels and causes your smooth muscles to contract. So your uterus contacts – this squeezing is the source of your cramps – but the other smooth muscle that can be affected is your bowels, resulting in your colon going 90, meaning frequent bathroom trips.
Exercising and high fiber foods like whole grain bread, avocados, or chickpeas can help your body keep running smoothly. However, Newton’s Third Law of Motion can come into play during PMS: “for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction”. There’s a hormone which does the exact opposite as prostaglandins called progesterone. It’s a muscle relaxant that stops your bowels from contracting and moving things in a downward motion, which along with a bloated uterus taking up space inside of you, results in constipation.
Wow – what an enchanting time of the month this is.
4. The Itchy and Scratchy Show
Those goddamn prostaglandins are at it again. This time the dilation of your blood vessels causes extreme sensitivity, making every inch of your body, from your toes to your scalp, so itchy that you feel as if you’re living at a Victorian orphanage that’s run over with lice.
Your skin will overall feel more sensitive, so a top tip is not to book any eyebrow threading or waxing for this week.
5. I.N.S.O.M.N.I.A
With any or all of the above going on, it's not surprising that some women might find it difficult to get forty winks at night. Your normal sleep routine can be disturbed at any part of your sleep cycle, and you might also experience night sweats, hot flashes, or vivid nightmares and dreams.
6 *BONUS SUFFERING* - ovulation pain
Perhaps you don't get PMS but you, my friend, may be one of the lucky ones who suffer from ovulation pain. Not often discussed, and known as 'mittelschmerz' (German for 'pain in the middle of the month' - their words are always the most literal), it occurs midway through your menstrual cycle when your ovary releases an egg. Depending on which ovary, you may feel the pain on the left or right side, slightly above your hip, and can be accompanied by mild vaginal bleeding.
Do the wonders of being blessed with female reproductive organs never cease?
Do you suffer from any of the above? Is there any unusual symptom we've missed out?
