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Dublin: 5 °C Monday 9 December, 2019
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9 defining characteristics of the Irish neighbour as a species

Neiiighbours, everybody needs good neiiiighbours.

AH, THE IRISH neighbour. Such a common species, but often mysterious or not even nearly mysterious enough.

But what makes a true Irish neighbour? You’ll notice they may display two or more of the following characteristics.

1. They share a sense of noble guardianship of the surrounding area

Whether it’s handing them in your key before you go on holidays or asking them to watch out for the alarm going off, your neighbours treat your stretch of land as well as their stretch of land. If you need them to take in the mail in so nobody will know you’re not home or take in a package if you’re down at your mam’s, they’ll be there.

Even if it’s just a warning. There was someone going around looking at them cars now.

beierandlund1 Source: Tokyoartbeat

2. They’re as concerned with your garden as they are their own

An especially sound neighbour will give your garden a little spray when they’re tending to theirs. If your garden is a holy disgrace or you leave the cut grass on the road, you better believe you’ll be getting filthy looks all month.

God forbid you only half cut the grass on the path. A sin against thy neighbour.

shutterstock_56460832 Source: Shutterstock

3. You’re all each other have got

Lets face it, you better like each other. Slim pickings down these ends.

The White House Source: Chris Kealy

4. They enjoy noise

Apartment neighbours upstairs adopt a walk louder than a thousand galloping stallions, and those beside you have just joined a heavy metal cover band. In an estate, their dogs will do the job if their car alarm decides to take a break every now and again.

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5. What’s theirs is yours

Jimmy down the road got a skip to clean out his shed and sure he’s loads of room. He’s the soundest man in Ireland when he comes knocking on your door offering some room for that sopping old carpet that’s been rotting down the side alley. Your hero.

kingofthehill Source: sludgeulper

6. The curtains twitch

Ah now. One of the downfalls of living in such close proximity is that everyone knows your business, when you come, when you go, and who you’re with. Sure didn’t Maeve in number 12 know you were pregnant before you did.

“Oh, the blinds are still down, must be lying in.”

hedgeswatch Source: Shutterstock

7. They respect your sorrows

If there’s a death in the family they’ll ‘sit in’ or bring over the sambos. They’ll even have the blinds pulled, all for you.

Closed Source: johnthurm

8. They’ll copy you

Siobhan got a new kitchen, you’ve to get a new kitchen now. JUST LET US HAVE OUR HANGING BASKETS.

Hanging Basket Source: Paul Hickman

9. Parking will ruin all relationships

If they’re having a party they’ll take up the whole road. Decade-long family feuds have risen from the parking space on the bit of path between two houses. There need to be clearer RULES about these things.

crapneighbourparking Source: infomatique

The DOs and DON’Ts of writing nasty notes to neighbours>

17 notes from neighbours trapped in glass cases of emotion>

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