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What would it be like if Morgan Freeman narrated your hangover?

You are now reading this in Morgan Freeman’s voice.

IT’S THE BIG man Morgan Freeman’s birthday this weekend!

He’s turning 76 this year. The one thing people always say about Morgan Freeman is that they wish he could narrate their life.

His character, Red, in the classic movie The Shawshank Redemption narrates the action – and since then, Freeman has been known as a voice-over storyteller extraordinaire.

But what would it REALLY be like if Red from The Shawshank Redemption narrated our tedious lives?

Well, here’s a glimpse… Red narrates a hangover.

When you know you have to get out of bed but you’re just too hungover

Red says: “There’s a harsh truth to face. No way I’m gonna make it on the outside.”

Image: Katy Winn/AP/Press Association Images

When you step into the shower and wait… but there’s no hot water

Red says: “Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

Image: PBG/PBG/Empics Entertainment

When you go into the kitchen but there’s no coffee or bread left

Red says: “Every man has his breaking point.”

Image: Kin Cheung/AP/Press Association Images

When you think about what the day might  be like if you hadn’t gone out

Red says: “I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.”

Image: PAUL HAWTHORNE/AP/Press Association Images

When you realise you can just order a pizza

Red says: “I find I’m so excited that I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel.”

Image: DAMIAN DOVARGANES/AP/Press Association Images

When your friend calls to dissect the night before

Red says: “You’re gonna fit right in. Everyone in here is innocent, you know that?”

Image: LIONEL CIRONNEAU/AP/Press Association Images

When you think the hangover might be gone but it resurges

Red says: “Rehabilitated? Well, now let me see. You know, I don’t have any idea what that means.”

Image: Anthony Harvey/PA Archive/Press Association Images

When you realise this is truly an ALL-DAY hangover affair

Red says: “They send you here for life. And that’s exactly what they take.”

Image: Cosima Scavolini/LaPresse/Empics Entertainment

Actually you know what, Morgan? You can just zip it and let us suffer this hangover in silence. Thanks but no thanks.

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About the author:

Fiona Hyde

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