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Dublin: 6 °C Sunday 8 December, 2019
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Every Single Winter Storm Name of 2015, Rated

Storm Desmond, Storm Eva, Storm Frank, Storm Gertrude — we’ve rated ‘em all.

STORM FRANK IS currently battering Ireland and the UK.

But some people aren’t too impressed with the name…

A few months ago, Met Éireann and the UK Met Office released a list of the winter storm names for 2015.

So how do they all stack up? Here is our two cents.

1. Abigail

'August: Osage County' Premiere - Los Angeles Source: AP/Press Association Images

A good strong name. Plus the last syllable is literally “gale” meaning that it lends itself well to punny headlines.

Rating: 4/5

2. Barney

Barney_Gumble Source: Simpsons/Wikia

The most famous Barneys are Barney Stinson, Barney The Dinosaur and Barney Gumble. In other words, a womaniser, a notoriously friendly dinosaur and a lovable drunk. In other words, the worst thing he could do is accidentally brush his hand against your boob.

Rating: 2/5

3. Clodagh

Clodagh McKenna Book Launch - London Source: Yui Mok

On the surface, Clodagh sounds like the name of someone who probably makes really nice banana bread, and excelled at hockey in school. But it also sounds like the name of an unpredictable Celtic goddess capable of causing mass destruction.

In other words, perfect storm name.

Rating: 4/5

4. Desmond

Soccer - Barclays Premier League - Portsmouth v Fulham - Fratton Park Source: EMPICS Sport

Desmond is a name reserved for well-off uncles and British television presenters. Not for a storm wreaking actual havoc.

Rating: 1/5

5. Eva

Global Gift Gala 2015 - London Source: Ian West

Short, sweet and kind of glamorous. In fact, Storm Eva sounds like it could be the name of a superhero or a perfume.

We approve.

Rating: 3/5

6. Frank

SINATRA PLAYS PIANO Source: AP/Press Association Images

Frank is a fine name… but Storm Frank just doesn’t have a ring to it.

Still, though — nice for all the Franks of Ireland to have their moment in the sun.

Rating: 2/5

7. Gertrude

PA-8666640 Source: AP/Press Association Images

There’s something about the name Gertrude that says, “Don’t mess with me.” Unlike Storm Frank, Storm Gertrude most certainly has a ring to it. 

“I’d love to go out tonight, but I can’t — Storm Gertrude, you know yourself.”

See? Nobody can argue with Storm Gertrude.

Rating: 4/5 

8. Henry

Henry-Hoover-Autosave Source: henryvacs

Henry is an old classic. The name of kings and the king of names.

We can’t and won’t argue with it.

Rating: 3/5

9. Imogen

2015 TIFF - Green Room Premiere Source: AP/Press Association Images

Remember when you were a kid and you read letters in Mizz from readers named Imogen and Bethany, and thought, “Wow, English girls have such exotic names!”

Storm Imogen will inspire similar emotions.

Rating: 3/5

10. Jake

2015 TIFF - Demolition Press Conference Source: AP/Press Association Images

Hmm, not sure we approve of this — Jake is a little too “I’m the love interest in a Nickelodeon teen sitcom” for us.

Rating: 2/5

11. Katie

Boxing - 2015 European Games Homecoming - Dublin Airport Source: Brian Lawless

As long as we can pretend that it has been named in honour of Katie Taylor, we’re more than cool with it. (Plus Storm Katie sounds kind of fierce, doesn’t it?)

Rating: 4/5

12. Lawrence

children courage Source: ©Doug Peters

It just reminds us too much of Lawrence Llewelyn-Bowen. We can’t take it seriously.

Rating: 1/5

13. Mary

Kenya Great Lakes Summit Source: Ben Curtis

If only because it will give the approximately one million Marys in Ireland something to laugh about.

“Did you hear I knocked a tree on the back road there?” – every single Mary at some point

Rating: 3/5

14. Nigel

Nigel Farage comments Source: Anna Gowthorpe

Don’t be silly.

Rating: 2/5

15. Orla

ok Source: Orla Kiely

Try saying Storm Orla ten times really fast. It’s a bit of a mouthful.

Rating: 2/5

16. Phil

Phil_Mitchell

Here, Phil is the name of your Dad’s sound friend who helped put new slates on your roof a few years ago. It’s not the name of a catastrophic weather event.

Rating: 2/5

17. Rhonda

UFC Rousey Brazil Source: AP/Press Association Images

We’re going to go ahead and assume it’s named for Ronda Rousey and we’re down with that (albeit slightly terrified).

Rating: 4/5

18. Steve

AOL NewFront 2015 Source: AP/Press Association Images

We’re just going to say it — Nigel, Desmond, Phil and Steve sound like a gang of mates who enjoy pints of lager and maybe even a spot of snooker. They are not storm names.

Rating: 1/5

19. Tegan

The 87th Academy Awards - Arrivals - Los Angeles Source: AP/Press Association Images

Sure, Tegan might be a contemporary name, but isn’t it a little bit notions-y for a storm? We’re not entirely sold.

Rating: 3/5

20. Vernon

vernon-dursley-harry-potter-5 Source: zentertainmentweekly

Vernon sounds like the name of a neighbour who would take your parking space and make no apologies for it. A nuisance, in other words.

Rating: 3/5

21. Wendy

Wendy_Darling_disney Source: hero/wikia

Only for the fact that Wendy sounds like Windy and is therefore conducive to making terrible puns. “Boy, is it Wendy out there!” You know yourself.

Rating: 3/5

15 tweets that sum up Ireland during Storm Frank >

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About the author:

Amy O'Connor

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