Dublin: 15 °C Monday 20 September, 2021

15 words you should absolutely be unable to use within the borders of Ireland

Get up the yard with your ‘Crimbo’.

1. ‘Candy’

Penny sweets and milseán are the only acceptable alternatives.

15352621082_7341314c98_z Source: Flickr

2. ‘Garbage/trash’

Rubbish. IT IS RUBBISH. Or, in informal conversations, the black bin.

3475434627_520e6339a9_z Source: Flickr

3. ‘Mom’

As if you’d ask your MOM what ye were having for dinner. Hmm, I don’t know, maybe MAC ‘N’ CHEESE?

4. ‘Pint of lager’

It’s a fucking pint, relax.

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5. ‘Crimbo’


6. ‘Soda’

Or ‘pop’. It’s a Coke – or, more broadly, a ‘mineral’.


7. ‘Pudding’, when referring to a dessert

“Anyone for pudding?”

Give me my jelly and ice cream and shove it, Karen.

Homemade #jellyandicecream

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8. ‘Tea’, when referring to a meal

Tea comes as Lyons or Barrys, and in a cup. None of this small meal bullshit.

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9. ‘Store’

“Just nipping to the corner store to get some milk!”

*blank gaze*


10. ‘Going dutch’

This just means when someone pays for their own meal on a date. Wholly unnecessary and could easily be misinterpreted.

11. ‘Jonesing’

This, apparently, means “to be craving something intensely”, but let’s leave that definition to the yanks and just keep Jones as being a very good last name. (Ahem).

12. ‘Supper’

When did ‘dinner’ stop sufficing? Leave it out.


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13. ‘Footy’

Spare me.

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14. ‘Poppycock’

Plenty of other words for taking shite.

15. ‘Jelly’, instead of jam

Put this word and your sore excuse for a preserve.

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