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11 songs that will make you want to cancel Christmas

Can you make it through this post without calling the whole festive season off?

Pic: YouTube

SO HOW’S THE Christmas season going for you so far?

Are you feeling… almost too festive?

Well, fear not. These songs will leach the Christmas spirit from your body until all you can think about is January.

How many can you get through before you cancel the turkey?

1. The Spice Girls – Sleigh Ride


Starting it off easy with the ladies’ tuneless rendition of this classic. Bonus points if you can avoid cringing during the painful “banter” at the beginning.

2. Dustin the Turkey and Dervla Kirwan – Fairytale of New York


File under ‘Things which did not need to happen’.

3. New Kids On The Block – Funky Funky Christmas

YouTube/Stephanie S

Starting to ramp up the pressure now. We’re guessing the first beads of sweat are appearing on your clammy forehead.

Anyway, remember when hip-hop was the new thing and everybody wanted in on it, no matter how lame their rhymes? This is like that – but CHRISTMASSY.

4. Lou Monte – Dominick The Donkey


Not only is this song excruciating, but it makes no sense. WHY IS HE ITALIAN?

5. Crazy Frog – Last Christmas


I have it on good authority that this has been used to extract important security information from whimpering prisoners.

6. Newsong – The Christmas Shoes


Are you ready to be crushed by the fist of sentimentality until emotion drips bitterly from your pores? No? Well, tough.

More than halfway there now, guys. How are we holding up? Do we need a lie down? NO LYING DOWN.

7. Mr Blobby – Christmas In Blobbyland


Warning: Imagining Noel Edmonds’ smirk while listening will only make it worse.

8. Melissa Lynn – All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth


There’s no use pleading for death. Death will not help you now. We’ve another three songs to go.

9. Justin Bieber – Mistletoe


“I don’t want to miss another holiday / But I can’t stop staring at your face.” Justin, stop staring at my face.

10. Alvin and the Chipmunks – Christmas Song


Do I hear you moaning softly, unaware of anything except your own excruciating agony? Or is that just the dulcet tones of Alvin and the Chipmunks? It’s so hard to tell. *steeples fingers*

11. Michael Bublé – Santa Baby (‘Santa Buddy’)



More: 8 things not to buy on ‘Up to Dublin’ shopping day>

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