BY VOLUNTEERING TO make tea, you are entering into a consenting contract which promises a fine cup of tea made to the best of your ability.
AKA, do none of these.
1. Not volunteering at all
If there’s less than say, five people, in the room, there’s absolutely no excuse for failing to offer them a cup if you’re heading to the kitchen to make one.
If you want to be ‘that’ person, follow all these faux-pas and ensure your offer is always answered with NO.
2. Not properly disposing of a used teabag
Finished with your teabag? Plopping it on the counter or in the sink is fair cause for dismissal in many workplaces.
Leaving it there to reuse it later? Maybe you’d feel more at home in a commune.
3. Failure to pre-heat the mug
Why. Why would anyone not heat up the mug with a dash of hot water before pouring the golden nectar?
No matter how hard we try, we can’t come up with a single reason for this heinous crime. We can taste your betrayal with the first icy sip.
4. Putting the milk in before the tea
Milk should always, always go in AFTER, now’s not the time for experimentation.
As a result of this, it’s only right to have a little sniff in the carton beforehand to avoid ruining a perfectly good cup.
5. Speaking of milk, don’t use too much or too little
Ask. Last thing we want is to be served up a pale ghost of tea that has passed. RIP, death by drowning in milk.
Unless, of course, you ask for it.
If this is too much responsibility to bear, which it will be for most, let the drinker pour their own milk. Everyone’s happy.
6. Leaving tea stains in the sugar bowl
NO DOUBLE DIPPING. There’s nothing worse than arriving to the sugar bowl to be met with lumpy patches and moist brown patches.
Scandalous.
7. The hot water isn’t hot enough
Never use a tap when making tea. If the water hasn’t reached boiling point it forms a thick foamy ring around your cup and is basically grounds for divorce.
8. Failure to present in adequate cuppage
Characteristics of a cup of tea shouldn’t be served in, under any circumstances:
- Dirty
- Stained
- Chipped
- Paper or Styrofoam
- Washing-up liquid tasting-y
- Too small
- Too large
- Too wide
- Transparent (what’s with that?)
Wake up. Come on, it’s not much to ask?
9. Not giving it a stir first if made in a pot
A rookie mistake. The initial cups will be weak, while the latter too strong. The Goldilocks of tea situations, stirring makes it just right.
10. Not drinking it, ever
We’ve been through this. If offered a cup of tea in someone’s home, saying no is simply not an option.
Sorry.
11. Not providing a biscuit
In certain circumstance, this might be acceptable. One of such circumstances is NOT when you have people in your home. A biscuit is as essential as the teabag itself, you might even throw in a bit of chocolate if you’re showing off.
Proper order.
