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Dublin: -1 °C Sunday 18 March, 2018

12 of the most nightmarish properties on the Dublin rental market right now

The scariest thing you will see this Halloween.

BACK IN JULY we had a look at some of the grimmest properties in Dublin over the summer. Let’s look at what’s left over now that all of the students have settled back in.

1. This studio in Drumcondra with the least appealing looking bed of all time. €540 a month.

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Aside from looking like the bed in a GP’s office, the strangest thing about this bed is that mattress is somehow too long for the divan.

2. This studio in Phibsborough that doesn’t even include a mattress. €900 per month.

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The arrangement of the furniture looks exactly like what you do when you’re trying to start a fire to kill off a family on The Sims.

3. For €850 p/m you could live in this flat, where your privacy depends on the strength of the Blu Tack sticking these paper bags onto the door.

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4. Or for €1,200 you could stay in this studio where you don’t even have to get out of bed to collect your post in the morning.

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 5. A lot of people really do not like eating in their bedrooms. If you’re a single person renting in Dublin, that’s almost completely unavoidable. And it costs €800 per month.

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6. You can rent what is probably Ireland’s smallest kitchen/living room in Harold’s Cross for €680 per month.

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Even the door looks smaller than a regular door. You couldn’t swing a mouse in there, never mind a cat. Unfortunately, there are no other photos in this listing so the only way to find out what the bedroom and bathroom look like is by going to a viewing.

7. This isn’t the worst property going, but for some reason it contains a urinal. €600 a month in Citywest.

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You’re probably saying “Hey! That one’s not even bad! €600 is a steal.” Well, aside from living out somebody’s back garden the major downfall here is the fact that this is one of those “Monday to Friday only” properties.

What is the point in a Monday to Friday tenant? What’s going on in all of these Mon-Fri properties on Saturday and Sunday that the tenants aren’t allowed to be there for?

8. This Father Ted themed room in Donnybrook that still hasn’t been rented out since July.

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In July, this was priced at €660 a month – a reduction from it’s previous price of €680. It is now October, and despite the fact that it does not appear to have garnered any interest in the last three months, the price has been bumped up to €750 per month.

They explicitly state that students are not welcome and that this studio is more suited to a “mature female”. In fairness, Mrs. Doyle would be right at home here.

9. For €850 of your monthly wage you could sleep in this very haunted looking bedroom in Ballsbridge.

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Is this really the best photograph that could have been taken of this property?

10. For €1,000 a month you can live in Rathmines and become the proud owner of one of the world’s smallest fridges.

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11. For €860 a month, you can share your bedroom with two other grown adults in Portobello.

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This house is very clean by the market’s standards in Dublin, however it accommodates ten people. Rent is between €215 – €290 a week, depending on whether or not you share a room. So on average, rent is €250 a week, or €1,000 a month.

That means that a landlord with 10 tenants is making €10,000 a month off of this property. That’s not including the extra fee of €20 a week for bills, wifi and bed linen from each of the tenants which amounts to €800 a month.

For someone earning €10,800 a month from their tenants, €860 might seem like a reasonable month’s rent to charge students (the people this property is targeted towards).

In reality, most students aren’t able to work more than 16-20 hours a week while studying so getting to share a room with two other grown adults costs a good bit more than their entire monthly income on minimum wage.


12. For €840 a month you can live in what appears to be a hotel room in Dublin 1.

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Not suitable for anyone who enjoys the simple pleasure of stretching their legs. The real kicker here is the fact that the kitchen only has one press and it’s the one under the sink, which is the spot typically reserved for dangerous chemicals. In this property however, it’s home to the toaster and the cups and plates.

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So where do all of the dangerous cleaning products and chemicals go? Who cares! The number of cooking utensils there is definitely a bit dramatic, considering the cooking facilities onsite.

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You get to use a camping stove to cook all of your meals throughout the week. Delightful.

Bonus property: This flat that allegedly exists but we can’t be sure, because it’s advertised only with photos of the nearby Luas.

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You’d nearly forgive them if they weren’t charging €1,250 for their apartment. Who wants to go to a viewing of a €1,250 studio apartment that apparently is not fit to photograph? The property description includes one sentence about this mysterious property, followed by 7 lines of text about what streets are nearby and how often the Luas runs.

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