WE ALL KNOW that one person with a truly astonishing appetite.
These people can come in all shapes and sizes, but one thing never changes – they are always, always hungry.
1. “Are you going to eat that?” is not in fact a rude question
Waste not, want not! *steals chip*
2. The words ‘free pizza’ hold a unique power over you
Will there be food there? Jesus, we’d better go so.
3. And the words “Wait until everyone has their food” make you RAGE
Silently, of course. You’re smiling politely, but inside you’re screaming “LET ME EAT GODDAMMIT.”
4. You don’t really mean to stare at other people’s food
It’s just where your eyes naturally go. And can we have an M&M, if there’s one going spare? Cheers.
5. 11am and 3pm are the worst times of the day
11am: You’re starving. Breakfast was ages ago, but it’s too early for lunch.
3pm: You’re starving. Lunch seems like it never happened, but you polished off all your snacks at 11am.
*prays for the sweet release of death*
6. You know the true meaning of ‘hangry’
The Incredible Hulk, Michael Douglas in Falling Down, and the lads in the Snickers ads, all rolled into one.
7. ‘All You Can Eat’ is a challenge
All I can eat, yeah? JUST YOU WAIT.
8. “Do you want the last one?” is said purely out of courtesy
A true friend knows that you have no real intention of parting with the last slice of pizza, and lets you at it.
9. Your hand is always in the snack bowl
You spend most of your time at the cinema/parties/book clubs clutching a mound of Doritos.
You’re not particularly sorry about this.
10. Slow service is the WORST
Want to know the best way to torture a supremely hungry person? Tell them their meal won’t be ready for another ten minutes.
11. Silence is golden
There is no need for chatter when there is food to be eaten. Please, respect our method.
12. There is always room for dessert
It’s hard to recall a time when we were truly vanquished by a meal. Probably never.
13. And we are always ‘hungry already’
Can we stop for some nuggets on the way home maybe? Please?
