1. The ‘pale legs dilemma’ is a fact of life
It’s a dilemma all Irish women face at some point. Should I wear tights? Can I be arsed putting on Sally Hansen? Or will I just embrace my natural ghostly complexion and let the haters be damned?
The stress of it all.
2. As if that weren’t enough, tights are the actual bane of your life
Every morning:
- Pull out pair and, after a quick scan, decide they’ll do
- On the walk to work, realise that you’re wearing fally downy tights
- Spend the day wanting to die
- Forget to throw out fally downy tights when you go home and make same mistake a week later
3. Penneysis always there trying to lure you in like an evil mistress
Penneys: “Come in, you know you want to…”
You: “No, Penneys, I don’t have the money.”
Penneys: “Come on… just for a look!”
You: “Okay fine, just for a look.”
*leaves with €72 worth of knickers and ‘handy vests’*
4. The streets in Ireland are not compatible with heels at all
Cobblestones: pretty to look at, but lethal if you’re wearing heels.
5. You have to deal with this woman putting the fear of God into you about smear tests
OH GOD, OKAY, I’LL BOOK IT.
6. Not to mention that this is what you get for your 25th birthday…
Happy birthday!
7. Every year, you watch this and are left feeling completely inadequate/underachieving
That girl is 21 and she’s a qualified doctor and she does charity work and she’s a world champion Irish dancer and she has a steady boyfriend. Meanwhile, I’m eating grated cheese with my hands.
- You, watching the Rose of Tralee
8. You haven’t a clue what you’re supposed to call this
Bobbin? Gogo? Bobble? Scrunchie?
THERE ARE TOO MANY OPTIONS.
9. Your handbag is full of these
*pulls out No. 7 voucher*
*sees it expired in 2014*
*puts back in bag to pull out again at a later date
10. You can’t not drink on a night out without people thinking you’re pregnant
Oh Ireland.
11. Your fringe and the Irish weather refuse to cooperate
You leave the house with a full, luxurious fringe and after two minutes outside, it’s reduced to a bitty/damp shadow of its former self.
Thanks a lot, rain.
12. By spring, your glam winter coat usually smells like a wet dog
Because you’ve been caught in a rainshower without an umbrella, oh, 30 times.
Your mother was right: you really should have bought a coat with a hood.
13. You spend 14% of your income on tampons
I DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS!
