‘TIS THE SECOND-LAST weekend before Christmas, and all through the land, everyone is preparing for the annual holiday tradition – the 12 Pubs of Christmas. It’s not healthy, it’s not wise, and it will certainly deplete you of your wealth, yet year after year we gather together to traipse the local drinking establishments and put the fear of God in every barman in a ten mile radius. If the whole thing seems a little daunting to you, help is at hand. Here are the 12 key tips to surviving the 12 Pubs of Christmas.
1) EAT BEFOREHAND
So important we put it in capitals, for two reasons: a) It is tasty, and b) it helps your body break down alcohol. These are both good things.
2) Keep hydrated
Break up your drinks with some water. You will be oh-so glad you did in the 12th pub, and especially in the morning.
3) Give yourselves enough time
On your normal nights out you leave the house at 9 or 10pm right? This is not a normal night out. If you want to get the 12 pubs in (and not get alcohol poisoning), you’ll need more time.
4) Plan a route
This might be a good idea if there are a lot of pubs to choose from – a pre-arranged route means (fingers crossed) all arguments will have been settled beforehand.
5) Think about the weight of your Christmas jumper
You’re going to regret getting the one with lights and tinsel when you’re in a pub full of people all wearing heavy Christmas jumpers…we’re sweating just thinking about it.
6) You don’t ACTUALLY have to have 12 drinks
Yeah yeah, the “rules” state you have to have a drink per pub, but if you’re the kind of person that gets merry after two or three then feel free to adapt them to suit you. This is never a good look:
7) Don’t listen to anyone who says you’re being dry
Sticks and stones may break my bones…
8) Choose your drink wisely
Does stout make you full? Cider make you sleepy? Vodka make you mean-spirited and Grinchy? Have a think about which beverage best suits the task at hand.
9) Stick with the group
Pretty simple really. Don’t wander off on your own. It’s not that fun.
10) Beware of the rules
Even if you are the sort that can easily knock back 12 drinks, the rules may be your downfall. Call a friend by their first name in a “last names only” pub at your peril.
11) Don’t be afraid to say your goodbyes
If you feel in your bones that it’s time to go home, go home. Your gut instinct is mostly right. And if your gut is saying “If you have another pint, you’ll be horribly sick”, LISTEN.
12) Care for your hangover accordingly
How you react to the hangover the next day is key. Some people take immediate action the next morning, administering a fizzy orange/Panadol/greasy fry immediately. Some prefer to sleep it out. Do what’s best for you.
Now get out there and enjoy yourselves, you little rascals.
