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wearing your dinner

16 signs that you live with children

Jam on the walls? Don’t worry, it’ll wash off.

CHILDREN ARE GREAT. They are the future.

But for the moment, they are the present. And, as much as they adore their offspring, most parents will agree that it can sometimes be trying living with them.

And it seems that it’s easy to spot someone who lives with children. Here are a few of the giveaways…

1. All your good clothes are in the back of your wardrobe.

And your daily colour palette is based on what you’re making for dinner.

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2. You’ve got a goodie press for when the kids are good. It’s always full.

Except for when you dip into it. Hey, there’s no judgement here – you need the energy.

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3. The sitting room is now a playroom.

Unless you have friends/in-laws/snooty neighbours calling. It’s amazing how much cleaning can be done in five minutes when you really put your mind to it.

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4. It takes five minutes to get anything out of a press. Damn child-proofing.

Very annoying and quite tricky – especially if you’re in a hurry.

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5. Your choice of music on the drive to school is either Selena Gomez or One Direction.

Try not to bang your head against the steering wheel until the kids have left the car.

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6. You haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in years.

Not to mention the fact that a tiny person has been responsible for kicking you out of your warm bed on more occasions than you care to remember. Seriously, what is that about?

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7. You’ve no idea what you’re talking about when you chat to them.

Depending on their age, you’re either talking gibberish to toddlers, text speak to tweens or attempting to make your way through the barrage of slang coming out of your teenager’s mouth.

Soz, LOL, totes adorbs, LMAO, cray-cray, obvs, twerking….is this even English?

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8. 6am is now your wake-up time instead of your bedtime.

You’re never going to get on board with this one. It’s just plain wrong.

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9. You have more milk and juice bottles in the fridge than wine and beer bottles.

Oh, you love your children but wouldn’t it be nice to go back just for a day?!

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10. They often end up wearing the food you spent ages preparing.

Smiling through gritted teeth, you tell yourself that it’s actually adorable. The success of this will vary depending on your acting skills.


11. You are suspicious of silence.

It’s quiet. Too quiet. Something is wrong.

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12. A trip to the shops that could once be done on a whim is now an operation that needs to be carried out with military precision.

Not to mention serious contingency plans for any unforeseen catastrophes.

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13. You can’t remember the last time you had a bath. Or read a book that wasn’t child specific.

And you don’t even care.

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14. The TV is permanently on the Disney or Nickelodeon channel

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15. You’ve given up caring about the state of the walls.

You freaked out the first few times but now you’re, like, whatever.

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16. Your once-perfect Christmas tree is now awash with glorified toilet rolls but you secretly wouldn’t have it any other way.

Because when all is said and done, once you live with them you can’t live without them.


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