Dublin: 15 °C Thursday 28 September, 2023
# mambook
The 12 stages of adding your parents as friends on Facebook
“Your Mam has sent you a friend request.” NOOOOO.

FACEBOOK IS NOW mostly the realm of mams and their mates. We all know that. If your parents haven’t tried to add you on Facebook yet – just wait, they will. Oh they will.

1. First, it came as an ominous notification


“Your Mam has sent you a friend request.” Ah Jesus. Just leave it and hope she never realises you haven’t accepted it.

2. But your mam is not that dumb. She knows what you’re doing

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Cue the needling: “Don’t you want to be my friend? Oh it’s awful, you don’t even want to be friends with your own mother on Facebook.”

3. So, besieged by guilt, you relent and add them

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They are DELIGHTED, and you briefly feel like a good child.

4. Then the un-tagging and hiding begins

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Anything where you’re posing with an unknown member of the opposite sex (too many questions). Anything where you have a drink in your hand. Anything where you’re being what your dad would call ‘coarse’. Gone.

5. Next, you try to persuade them to change their awful profile photo

Dads are the only people in the world who click the ‘Take Photo’ option when updating their profile picture. The only people.

6. And despair as they commence commenting on every single thing you post

ladsmum Twitter / 'RossColes Twitter / 'RossColes / 'RossColes

Including things your friends post on your wall. “Looking lovely girls. Have a nice night bsafe Mam x”

7. You become their hotline for any issues they’re having with the website


“Why am I seeing all these things about Daniel O’Donnell? I’m not friends with him.”
“Maybe you liked a page about Daniel O’Donnell.”
“What’s the difference between liking and being friends?”
“*readies self* Well…”

8. And also the person to explain that no, Facebook aren’t going to start charging them €10 per use if they don’t share this status

Nor is Enda Kenny introducing a Netflix Tax, like the link shared by Anne Down The Road said.

9. Eventually you grow to love their internet presence

wine meme

You learn so much about them, ie. that your mam is a Wine Meme Mom and your dad thinks Minions are ‘comical little creatures’.

10. And understand that they’ll never stop posting random photos of you

It’s a great self-esteem boost, all the same:

11. You’ll eventually stop hiding and de-tagging things

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Sure no one actually shares stuff on Facebook any more, anyway.

12. But still pray they never find out about Snapchat

YOUR SAFE SPACE. And long may it last.

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