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Dublin: 9 °C Tuesday 19 March, 2024
mammy

11 pieces of advice your mam has given you that you always ignore (and regret)

True wisdom, willfully ignored.

1. “Don’t go outside/to bed with a wet head.”

One soggy pillow and the sniffles later …

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2. “Don’t pick it.”

Unless, of course, she wants to pick ‘it’. Because that’s different.

EXTREMELY VISUAL GIF COMING UP.

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3. “Don’t wash that / put that in the dryer.”

… Which has results in many a sprint out to the dryer to avoid a ruined jacket/dress/top.

4. “Don’t sit on a cold step.”

I wasn’t able to collate data reflecting how many UTIs/bladder infections/kidney infections have been caused by sitting on a cold step.

5. “Bring a jacket.”

Cardi B may try and tell you that a hoe never gets cold, but trust me, in minus degree weather, they do.

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6. “Don’t put that online.”

Someone could have done with telling Zoella that ha? Amirite?

In fairness, she usually says this in relation to photos taken of her, which we also ignore around the time of birthdays and Mother’s Day for Instagram likes.

7. “Don’t put the knives into the dishwasher upside down.”

OK, maybe this is just me BUT I ACTUALLY CAN’T HACK FEELING THE MANKY DIRTY BLADE SLIDE THROUGH MY HAND.

o Yelp Yelp

8. “Don’t drink too much.”

Hngggggggggggg. Sorry ma.

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9. “Get a case for your phone in case you drop it.”

Five screen repairs later and I can safely say I will never learn, and I will go to my grave Otterbox-less.

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10. “Turn off your phone before you go to bed.”

“Or at least put it on silent!” she pleads as your eyes continue to turn into squares.

11. “Wear a high vis vest if you’re going out, the nights are getting very dark.”

Listen ma, if I’m not going to wear a jacket, what makes you think I am going to put on a fluorescent waistcoat? No THANKS.

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