IF THERE’S ONE thing we know to be true in this life it’s that mother/daughter relationships can be fraught with tension at times.
An atmosphere can develop over the most trivial of things, and a seething resentment can arise over, well, feck-all.
In fact, it’s highly likely that you and your mam have been having the same fight for years. And that’s because you rarely resolve anything, but simply press pause on it before resuming it at a later date.
We mean, we’d wager you’ve had crossed words over all of the following…
1. Your need for a tonic.
And obviously she’s not talking about an accompaniment to your gin.
Mams love nothing more than insisting their daughters are desperately in need of a tonic.
Headcold, muscle pain, hangover: you wouldn’t be feeling so woeful right now if you had just taken her advice and picked up a good tonic from the health food shop.
2. Your disregard for Sunday Mass.
She knows well you no longer make the Sunday pilgrimage since moving out, and while it pains her to do so, she’ll turn a blind eye if it means keeping the peace.
But you’re in for a rude awakening if you think you can skip a service if you find yourself back home of a Sunday.
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3. Your reliance on fake tan.
You’ve been wearing it half your life at this stage, and she’ll still never get her head around it.
And nothing puts the fear of God in her more than the sight of you reversing towards her, towel pressed to your front, demanding she bronze your back.
4. Your need to, you know, style your hair.
If she had her way, you’d still be sporting the bowl cut you rocked for your First Holy Communion.
No matter how much effort you’ve put in, or how straight or glossy your mane appears, she’ll be hardpressed not to mention your ‘natural’ hair.
5. Her non-skills on social media.
You know you should be more patient, but if you have to field another call from your mam asking you the difference between her ‘feed’ and her ‘profile’, you won’t be responsible for your actions.
And then there’s her need to share Missing Dog posts from places as far-flung as Montana.
6. Her poor memory.
Oh, she’ll remember the time you lied to her about mass, but she won’t remember who left an urgent message for you to call them back.
And she definitely won’t remember where she put the dress you accidentally left behind on your last visit home.
7. Her less than subtle codes.
Whether it’s in her inability to whisper in situations which call for it or her tendency to speak to you in Irish when she wants to talk about someone in earshot, you’ve had you fair share of bust-ups on this front.
“Féach ar an cailín sin…”
8. Your ‘no-show’ reputation.
Interestingly, she’s the only person you know who seems to think you don’t go home enough.
In fact, she’s been known to say she can’t remember the last time you were back in the family house… despite the fact you were there last week and she spent the entire time on the phone to your auntie Bridgie.
