Dublin: 3 °C Friday 23 February, 2024

8 awkward kisses we've all had to endure

The Nose Clash, the Tongue Warrior, the Kiss Limbo… we’ve all been there.

1. The first kiss

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Generally behind the sheds at the GAA club, or in a friend’s living room with their parents in the kitchen. Neither of you have any idea how it works, so you just swallow your terror and do… whatever you imagine kissing is.

Worst of all, there’s usually an audience.

2. The slow-set kiss in the underage disco

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Complicated because you’re busy shuffling around in a circle and treading on each other’s feet to the tune of Angels by Robbie Williams.

This kind of awkward kiss often begins with a simple ‘Willya shift me mate?’

3. The kiss where you bang teeth

The horror. In your head, you imagine it being like this:

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4. The kiss where they don’t know what to do with their tongue

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It’s nice at first, and then suddenly they’re poking it in and out of your mouth, or employing a rotary washing machine motion, and it feels like you’re kissing some kind of extraterrestrial lizard. Sobering.

5. The kiss where you get stuck in Kiss Limbo

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The nature of kisses is that they should either stop, or move on to… other things. However in certain situations, the process goes wrong and you end up stuck in a horrible Kiss Limbo where all you can do is keep gnawing on each other’s faces for what seems like forever.

The only way out is to say you need the toilet.

6. The kiss where you go the wrong way and clash noses

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So awkward. Then the odds are you both go the other way, then clash noses AGAIN, then have to stop the whole process and plan it out from the very beginning.

If one of you is wearing glasses, you can pretty much just forget it.

7. The kiss where you open your eyes and find the other person is LOOKING AT YOU

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There you are, just having a nice time, enjoying yourself. On a whim, you open your eyes too see your beloved STARING AT YOU FROM TWO INCHES AWAY.

Now you’re scarred for life.

8. And the kiss where you go for it… and get rejected

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Just a peck on the cheek then? OK.

The mortifyingness of this error increases with the amount of time you’ve been psyching yourself up to make the move. ARGH.

You don’t always have to be afraid to pucker up. On Valentine’s Day tomorrow, Centra wants to give you a lip-smacking Magnum Kisses ice-cream for just 1c with any purchase. See centra.ie for terms & conditions.

This offer is only available on Valentine’s Day and each store will have a limited amount of stock so get there early!

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