LOOK, WE ALL know the human body is a wondrous thing.
No one’s denying that.
However, there are times when your body betrays you in the most maddening of ways.
You’re not sick and you haven’t been doing anything to force it into a state of stress, and yet it acts out, and you’re just along for the ride.
And here are just seven of those times.
1. Remember that time you were chewing really enthusiastically…
…. and then you bit the inside of your own mouth?
And remember the way it really hurt? And drew blood?
2. Or what about the time you were minding your business in a quiet room…
… and your stomach rumbled so aggressively, it was like you were being attacked from the inside out?
Remember the way it felt like it would never end? And remember how you realised clutching it would do absolutely nothing?
3. Remember when you were walking in a straight line on a flat surface…
… and you still managed to trip over yourself?
Remember the way you looked back to see what had caused the public stumble, knowing full well your own two feet had caused it?
4. And what about that time you were sitting at your desk in work…
… and suddenly felt a very small amount of sick rise in your throat?
You know fine well that it’s not enough to warrant a dash to the bathroom, so what do you do? You swallow it back down, and rue the day you were born.
5. And remember when you were chatting to someone…
… and felt your aural faculties immediately take a hit?
You’re not sure if their voice is suddenly betraying them or your ears are suddenly betraying you, but you can’t hear a damn word they’re saying.
And if you have to repeat ‘pardon’ one more time, you’ll be forced to punch yourself in the face.
6. Or what about that day your colleague asked to borrow your earphones…
… and you suddenly noticed the sheer amount of wax your ears had produced since you last time looked at your earphones?
Remember the way you surreptitiously (and frantically) tried to clean them off before handing them over? And remember the way your colleague pretended not to notice? Remember how disgusting you felt?
7. Or remember when you were in the middle of speaking…
… and you accidentally spat on the person you were talking to?
Remember how great you felt as you watched your spittle settle on their clothes? Remember how marvellous it was to watch them hide a wince and continue as if nothing happened?
Good times.
