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Boycott Brunch

10 facts that remind you it's really OK to absolutely hate brunch and all it stands for

You’re not alone.

If you have an Instagram, then it’s very likely that among your extensive collection of heavily-filtered photos lurks at least one photo featuring granola, pancakes or eggs.

We mean, we’re right, aren’t we?

brunch photo

And, y’see, that’s because the Instagram generation is supposedly as dedicated to the practice of brunching as they are to destroying the diamond industry.

It’s hardly surprising either; brunch tends to feature avocado, and the Instagram generation would marry an avocado.

But if you hate the whole concept of brunch and have found yourself dragged multiple times – against your will – to the latest spot, then you’ll likely recognise the many shortcomings associated with the carry-on.

And here are just 10.

1. Unless you want to eat a dessert for breakfast, you are essentially forced to eat eggs.

And if you don’t eggs, you’re still required to pay for them. It’s the law of brunch.

PastedImage-32451 sharimg / Twitter sharimg / Twitter / Twitter

2. Booking a table is strangely forbidden in many establishments.

This means you generally have to queue out into the street while staring through the window at the already-seated folk with a look not dissimilar to pure hatred.


3. It’s generally a little overcrowded for your comfort.

You spend half your time listening to your own table and the other half restraining yourself from contributing to the conversation at the next table.

two brunch

4. The noise level is nothing short of deafening.

It’s a proven fact that no meal elicts as much unnecessary noise as brunch. Seriously, look it up. And you’re generally hungover, so need we say anything else?

brunch right now

5. Then there’s the cost of the whole shebang.

If Home Ec taught you anything, it’s that eggs – as well as being nutritious and exceptionally versatile – are actually super cheap. So, why the hell are you stone broke after every brunch you’ve been dragged to?

PastedImage-61400 mandersmke / Twitter mandersmke / Twitter / Twitter

6. The bottomless Mimosa deal is a pure swizz.

Unless you would like three litres of orange juice for every thimbleful of sparkling wine, that is.


7. You resent the fact you’re contributing to the ‘culture’.

You don’t even like brunch, and yet here you are reluctantly bartering with the waiter for less eggs and more bacon without bankrupting yourself, while your friends plaster boomerangs of your meal all over Instagram.


8. You aren’t on board with the timeslot allocated to the concept.

Yes obviously, you get why it’s held in the morning – the clue is in the name -  but wouldn’t a lie- in, a carvery dinner and a few pints around 3pm be so much more enticing after a skinful of gin the night before?

PastedImage-29199 AeroGrrlWMU / Twitter AeroGrrlWMU / Twitter / Twitter

9. You can never really cope with the enthusiasm of the wait staff.

You know they’re only doing their job, and Christ you certainly applaud their dedication to the role, but the hangover, the noise level and the fact you’re practically sitting on someone’s lap means you just can’t respond in kind, and that makes you feel like an absolute troll.

PastedImage-45228 JulieNacole / Twitter JulieNacole / Twitter / Twitter

10. You generally have The Fear.

Brunch often takes place on a Sunday which means you’re either reeling from the night before or dreading the following day in work; neither of which is conducive to good brunch company.

PastedImage-7629 CaleyChastain / Twitter CaleyChastain / Twitter / Twitter

In general, you’d much rather be in bed, eating toast and making plans for a takeaway later. We get it.

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