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Desperate measures

Burglar busted after having sex with teddy bear and leaving DNA behind

Apologies in advance for this unfortunate mental image.

A BUNGLING BURGLAR was caught after having sex with a teddy bear at the crime scene and leaving, erm, DNA inside the toy.

Paul Mountain (38) was arrested after police found his DNA in a ransacked allotment shed in Darwen, Lancashire.

Metro reports that the owner of the allotment arrived at her shed to find the contents thrown all over the place – amongst the mess she discovered the aforementioned teddy bear.

The semen found inside the bear lead the police to Mountain.

The prosecutor for the case said Mountain was coming down off amphetamines at the time of the robbery, and felt the “overwhelming need” for sexual relief.

So, y’know, having sex with a teddy bear was the only logical conclusion.

Does anyone have industrial-strength brain bleach to hand? It’s desperately needed.

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