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Dublin: 3 °C Sunday 17 November, 2019

Every sweet in the Celebrations tin, ranked from worst to best

We have thoughts.

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IT’S NO QUESTION that Roses are the best Christmas sweets, but Celebrations come in close second (sorry Quality Street and Heroes, don’t @ us).

We’ve already spent quite a bit of time determining the hierarchy of the Roses, but what of the Celebrations? Which sweet is the best, and which is the worst?

8. Bounty

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Look. We don’t want to offend Bounty fans. But we’re just saying that we’ve witnessed the opening of many a tin of Celebrations and without fail, what is left after the initial frenzy is a sea of uneaten Bountys.

So here’s the truth: Bountys are unpleasant, and rather confusing (desiccated coconut? A treat? You’re having a laugh). People who choose Bountys over all other Celebrations are suspect. If you’re one of them, you need to have a word with yourself.

7. Snickers

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Next to Bounty, Snickers are the sweets we most often find abandoned at the bottom of the tub. What about them simply doesn’t do it for people? Is it the way the bits of peanut stick in your craw?

(Full disclosure: I’m a fan of Snickers and I do want to know why people don’t like them. Nutty chocolate is the BEST.)

6. Milky Way

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Zzz… Oh sorry, we started dozing off just thinking about Milk Ways, the dullest of all chocolates. The only appropriate description of them would be the most reviled of adjectives, ‘harmless’.

Imagine if these were replaced with little Mini Rolls? That would probably solve all the problems in this world.

5. Twix

rtwix Source: Playbuzz

We place them so low only because a Twix is already a perfect snack in itself, making a bite-sized Twix feel like a rip-off. Of course we’ll eat it, but… we won’t be delighted by it.

4. Mars

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While a full Mars bar is often too much for one person to handle, these bite-sized amounts are just right. The addition of the caramel elevates it over the humbler Milky Way, and you’re left feeling satisfied (though of course you’d eat a few more).

Despite all this, few people would go for a Mars first if presented with a pristine, untouched tin of Celebrations. They tick lots of boxes, yes, but they’re not ideal.

3. Galaxy

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You can’t go wrong with a little rectangle of Galaxy chocolate. Rich, smooth, and satisfying, the only thing missing is…

2. Galaxy Caramel

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But they’ve already thought of that! And it’s wonderful. If you manage to grab a couple of these and a couple of number one on the list, you are the jammiest fecker in the land.

1. Malteasers Teasers

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The Teaser is the rare sweet that actually outshines its full-size counterpart. Who has ever eaten a bag of Malteasers and felt sated? But one or two Teasers and you’re in heaven. They brought out whole boxes of them because people love them so much, for god’s sake.

The only thing that could topple them would be the re-introduction of the much missed Galaxy Truffle. Now that would make things interesting. Consider it, Celebrations.

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