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Dublin: 5 °C Monday 17 December, 2018
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11 people you will encounter if you dare to go 'up town' in December

Don’t do it.

90403759_90403759 Source: RollingNews.ie

DECEMBER HAS ONLY just begun, but already we are seeing the effects of the Christmas rush on our streets and in our shopping centres.

Don’t go up town. Don’t. In fact, if you can get away with not leaving the house at all, you should do that. If you ignore our warnings, you will witness all of this.

1. A person bundled up against the winter chill, but also lightly perspiring

This person could even be you, on a bad day.

On the street you are be-hatted and be-scarved and snug as a bug, but in the overheated, overcrowded shops you are fighting to lose as much clothing as possible short of being naked. You can’t win.

2. A parent wrangling a wailing child and experiencing palpable regret

tumblr_lqnk7lGlvt1qg46lw Source: Tumblr

We can sympathise while also putting in our earphones and pretending they aren’t there.

3. A busker making an absolute hames of a beloved Christmas tune

90437243_90437243 Source: RollingNews.ie

For some reason, his squawking seems to follow you up the street and into the shops and Jesus, will you ever get away from his woeful Bono impression?

4. A scruffy-looking Santa shaking a bucket for charity

90203275_90203275 Source: RollingNews.ie

You don’t remember Santy ever wearing Converse, but you’ll let him off.

5. Someone standing in the middle of the street trying to get an artsy picture of the lights

0552Dublin Town Christmas Lights_90529820 Source: RollingNews.ie

HURRY UP I NEED TO WALK IN FRONT OF YOU AND I DON’T WANT TO BE IMMORTALISED ON YOUR ROTTEN INSTAGRAM.

6. Someone standing in the middle of the street taking a picture of their significant other under the lights

#oliverplunkett #street #christmasincork #cork #december

A post shared by Sonia Wade (@sonja84) on

 

That’s two people taking up valuable real estate in the middle of the street. It’s unacceptable!

7. A gang of merry 12 Pubs lads zig-zagging down the footpath in their Christmas jumpers

barry ward Source: Facebook/Barry Ward

Avoid, quick, lest you be pulled into a circle and forced to jump up and down to Chelsea Dagger with them.

8. The old friends stopping to have a lovely chat… in the doorway of the shop

angry Source: Reactiongifs

A cardinal sin. There should be some kind of law against this.

9. Someone craning their necks over the crowd to try and locate the person they came with

90437250_90437250 Source: RollingNews.ie

They’re gone forever, mate. Sorry.

10. Several people sitting in their cars, waiting to get into a car park

They’ve been waiting so long that they’ve entered into a sort of trance, staring out the window at nothing at all. We don’t envy them.

11. And some romantic loudly proclaiming to a friend that they love the ‘Christmassy atmosphere’

Best part of a cold Christmas #fairylights everywhere #christmasingalway

A post shared by Megan Andrew (@megany116) on

You mean you enjoy witnessing the panic and frustration in people’s eyes as they try to plough through the heaving masses? You sociopath.

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