Dublin: 0 °C Sunday 3 December, 2023
Early bird

13 struggles only people who are chronically early will relate to

Two words: The airport.

YOU MIGHT THINK being chronically late is stressful. But we would argue that being chronically early is even more so.

1. You’re constantly plotting and planning how to get places

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If you have to go somewhere after work you’ll be thinking about it all day. “Google Maps says it will take 23 minutes to walk there, so I’ll give it 45 minutes. Just in case.”

2. You have been THAT person who arrives at the party – gasp – on time

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All the living rooms you’ve sat in alone, all the parents you’ve awkwardly chatted to, while waiting for the birthday girl to finish her eyeliner!

You’ve since learned to adapt to Irish Party Time (an hour after the time stated on Facebook).

3. You’ve spent a significant amount of time pissing about on your phone in cafés and restaurants

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“Hi, table for four, under the name Smith? Yep, the rest of them are on their way. LOL, I definitely have friends!”

4. And have to fight the urge to constantly text your pals for updates

Don’t tell me you’re ten minutes away if you’re not ten minutes away! *weeps*

5. It’s always such a relief when they eventually arrive

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6. Even though you still lie about how long you’ve been there

You don’t want to embarrass them by saying you’ve been sitting alone for 20 minutes, so you say “Oh, I wasn’t waiting long!” every time.

7. Going to the airport is a huge source of anxiety for you

Flight’s at 10am? Better be there at 7am. Earlier even, because you never know what security is going to be like. Oh god, what about traffic?

8. And job interviews? Forget about it

It’s great having that extra time to just marinate in your nervousness, you know?

9. Your perpetually late friends stress you out too

They’re shockingly cavalier about it. How?!

10. You call to apologise in anticipation of being late

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Like, you probably won’t be late. But you’re five minutes behind schedule and the thought of it chills you to the bone, so you’re ringing your boss anyway.

11. And if you actually are late you’ll be thinking about it for the rest of the day

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Oh you’d be MORTIFIED.

12. On the other hand, you always use your waiting time to call your mam


Early AND a model child.

13. And when you meet a fellow early bird, you click straight away

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