YOU MIGHT THINK being chronically late is stressful. But we would argue that being chronically early is even more so.
1. You’re constantly plotting and planning how to get places
If you have to go somewhere after work you’ll be thinking about it all day. “Google Maps says it will take 23 minutes to walk there, so I’ll give it 45 minutes. Just in case.”
2. You have been THAT person who arrives at the party – gasp – on time
All the living rooms you’ve sat in alone, all the parents you’ve awkwardly chatted to, while waiting for the birthday girl to finish her eyeliner!
You’ve since learned to adapt to Irish Party Time (an hour after the time stated on Facebook).
3. You’ve spent a significant amount of time pissing about on your phone in cafés and restaurants
“Hi, table for four, under the name Smith? Yep, the rest of them are on their way. LOL, I definitely have friends!”
4. And have to fight the urge to constantly text your pals for updates
Don’t tell me you’re ten minutes away if you’re not ten minutes away! *weeps*
5. It’s always such a relief when they eventually arrive
SEE. I KNOW PEOPLE. I DIDN’T GET STOOD UP.
6. Even though you still lie about how long you’ve been there
You don’t want to embarrass them by saying you’ve been sitting alone for 20 minutes, so you say “Oh, I wasn’t waiting long!” every time.
7. Going to the airport is a huge source of anxiety for you
Flight’s at 10am? Better be there at 7am. Earlier even, because you never know what security is going to be like. Oh god, what about traffic?
8. And job interviews? Forget about it
It’s great having that extra time to just marinate in your nervousness, you know?
9. Your perpetually late friends stress you out too
They’re shockingly cavalier about it. How?!
10. You call to apologise in anticipation of being late
Like, you probably won’t be late. But you’re five minutes behind schedule and the thought of it chills you to the bone, so you’re ringing your boss anyway.
11. And if you actually are late you’ll be thinking about it for the rest of the day
Oh you’d be MORTIFIED.
12. On the other hand, you always use your waiting time to call your mam
Early AND a model child.
13. And when you meet a fellow early bird, you click straight away
PUNCTUALITY!
