Dublin: 15 °C Saturday 13 July, 2024
Feck you deputy stagg

8 reasons we can't wait for the Dáil to return

Absence makes the heart grow… fonder?

YOU’VE WONDERED ABOUT them over the lazy, hazy days of summer, haven’t you?

You’ve wondered what Enda and Eamon, Mary and Michelle, Simon and Stephen and the rest of the gang have been up to.

Be honest. You’ve missed them. Deep down, you’ve missed them.

And here’s why…

1. The roaring and shouting

We’re not pointing any fingers but…


Won’t it be nice to have Richard Boyd-Barret and Seán Barrett eating the heads off each other again? Divils, the pair of them.

2. Mick Wallace’s flowing tresses

You do know they call him “Vidal” in the Dáil bar and tell him he’s “worth it” the whole time, don’t you?

3. Dáil-related tweets from Gerry Adams

Gems like this:

4. The Ceann Comhairle losing the head

Cast your mind back to when you went on summer holidays and your Dad’s knuckles turned white on the steering wheel in the car and he bellowed…

GOD HELP YE if I have to turn this car around. There’ll be NO HOLIDAY!

That’s Seán Barrett, everyday, wishing they’d all just cop on.

5. The local issues

Do you remember last year, when there was no room to debate the promissory note deal announcement because the Dáil had to discuss “worried sheep” in Louth?


What about Leinster House’s distressed tree? Or the mysterious noise in County Kerry?

6. Luke Ming Flanagan’s rig outs

Never forget…

7.  Unparliamentary behaviour

You had already forgotten about the Collins/Barry incident, hadn’t you?


And what about Fannygate? Who could forget Fannygate?


8. Alan Shatter and the way he might look at you

Have you read the Justice Minister’s racy novel Laura yet?

Allow us to refresh your memory…

Her inexperienced hands touched him so tentatively that every muscle in his body ached for fulfilment. When he entered her, he knew it was her first time. He moved slowly and she dug her fingers into his back, moaning and gasping for breath. When she loosened her grip and her body relaxed, he knew he was going to erupt. She gasped again as he pulled himself free of her and overflowed on her slender body. They were lying on the carpeted floor of his office… It was almost midnight and, except for the Gardaí at the entrance gates, Leinster House was deserted.

Minister Shatter! We are undone! Or, can we call you Alan?..

Leon Farrell Leon Farrell

They’re back: Here are 8 questions we’re asking ahead of the new Dáil term>

ALERT! There are new Tayto flavours!

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