DAILY MAIL FREQUENTLY comes in for widespread criticism, but if there is one thing we may say in its defense, it’s that it has managed to retain a childlike wonder when it comes to women’s legs.
Daily Mail has seen a lot of legs in its day. After all, women are constantly flaunting them right in their faces. You would think that it may have become jaded at the sight of a leggy display, but you couldn’t be more wrong!
In fact, the paper’s enthusiasm for legs is showing no signs of waning.
“Legs for days!” it exclaims.
“VERY lean legs!” it gasps.
“Lithe legs,” it winks.
“Shapely legs,” it says, channeling a character in a 1940s rom-com.
“Gym-honed legs,” it says, when it’s run out of adjectives.
“Incredible legs!” it roars.
“Fantastic legs!” it declares with the enthusiasm of Alan Partridge.
“Beautiful legs!”
“Flawless legs!”
“AMAZING LEGS!!!!!!!!!!”
You know when a child has too many sweets at a birthday party and crashes at the end of the day? That’s what happens when the Daily Mail overdoses on too many fantastic, amazing, beautiful, incredible legs.
Sometimes, however, the word “legs” just doesn’t cut it. In this instance, Daily Mail will wax lyrical about “slender pins”.
Or enviably slender pins.
There’s trim pins…
Slim pins…
And thin pins!
Incidentally, Trim Pins, Slim Pins and Thin Pins is a little-known Dr. Seuss novel.
Don’t forget the super-skinny pins!
We know it’s meant in good spirit, but “endless pins” actually sound like they would be very painful.
We all need to come together and bring Bella Hadid’s pins to an end.
And pale pins sound positively Victorian.
Sometimes they take a leap of faith and come up with a magical turn of phrase like “sculpted stems”
Or “stunning stalks”
Ah yes, that common term we all use to mean “legs”.
Conclusion? Find someone who loves you as much as Daily Mail loves writing about legs.
