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Dublin: 4 °C Saturday 29 February, 2020
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The 9 types of dancer in an Irish nightclub

Which one are you?

(Pic Flickr/humanstatuebodyart)

THE IRISH NIGHTCLUB is a special – nay, a unique – environment.

Here are the various people you will meet on the dancefloor. Ring any bells?

1. The I’m On A Girl’s Night Out And I Love To Dance

Signs: First on the dancefloor, with her crew. Extravagant moves. Occasional squealing.

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2. The Awkward Male

Signs: Hanging around the edges of the dancefloor, possibly having been dragged there by a girl. Moves upper body self-consciously. Feet remain perfectly still.

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3. The Rocker

Signs: Nowhere to be seen until the DJ plays AC/DC at 2am. Then barrels onto the dancefloor with flailing arms and head flung back. Often causes collateral damage.

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4. The Failed Sexy

Signs: Trying very hard to be sultry, but falling tragically short due to technique and/or inebriation. Not by any means exclusively female.

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5. The Urban (Male edition)

Signs: At the slightest whiff of hip-hop, this gentleman forgets his identity as a pasty-skinned Roscommonite and breaks out the rap moves. Sadly, they look a little incongruous with a GAA jersey.

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6. The Urban (Female edition)

Signs: As above, but with twerking.

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7. The Arms and Legs Everywhere

Signs: All flailing, all the limbs, all the time. Generally the result of a desperate but ultimately ill-advised attempt to avoid being #2.

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8. The All Up On You

Signs: You will know him (or more rarely, her) because she will be mere millimetres away from you, leading with the crotch, and breathing pear Bulmers into your face. Can only be avoided by assembling a Wall Of Friends as fortification.

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9. The Drunk

Signs: A total liability.

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What dancer types have we missed? Let us know in the comments…

You know you’re in a bona-fide Irish nightclub when>

The 13 people you will meet in the pub tonight>

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About the author:

Michael Freeman

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