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Dublin: 9 °C Monday 22 April, 2019
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Dear Fifi: I'm worried that my boyfriend enjoys taking drugs too much - what can I do?

To help answer, this is the second week that Dear Fifi called upon the experts at the Rutland Centre.

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Time to dust off, pack away and retire SIMPLY HAVING for another year. It comes around faster each year, that’s for sure, but then all of a sudden poof! and it’s gone. I sincerely hope you had a good one.

New Years, is it? There’s always bloody something on the go in this season. I’m always here for you. Get at me right here.

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I’ve been with a fella 3 years now and we have a huge connection. We’ve travelled a small bit of the world for a year together, through ups and downs, and hoping to see more. However, he has shown how much he loves drugs. I don’t mind recreational use but it seems like his only enjoyment is from external substances. I just can’t compete.

Christmas is behind us now, but the New Year is its own whole deal. The entire festive period can seem insurmountable to those in recovery, those close to them – and those not quite at that stage yet, too. With that in mind, last and this week’s columns concern addiction issues, both alcohol and drugs. 

I got in touch with the people at the Rutland Centre, a hugely well-respected addiction rehabilitation clinic in Dublin, and they gave me some insight to share. (Firstly, their spokesperson wanted to make the caveat that the Rutland Centre is strictly an abstinence-based service and so does not advocate for the recreational use of drugs.)

They went on to say:

Two things mentioned may give cause for some concern… No relationship should be about competing for love, affection, or attention. All relationships should be open and honest, but also equal. It may be time to have a discussion about your relationship with your partner, or for you to consider what you want.
Secondly, if you feel that your partner can only enjoy himself while on drugs it may be time to raise this with him. We would suggest you do this in a calm, non-judgemental way, letting him know you’re raising it because you care.  We would also recommended not to confront him while under the influence.  There are many sources of support for both you and your partner if it does transpire there is an issue to be addressed (below). 

As the experts mention, the first port of call is communication with your partner about what you both want and how you’re feeling about all this. He won’t know you’re concerned or feel like this unless you tell him. He may be in the dark about how this affects you.

And they’re right too – it’s important to consider how you approach this issue with him in order to get the best out of the conversation. You know him best, so consider how to tackle this in a way that’ll mean you’re both comfortable enough to get stuff off your chest in a healthy way.

Best of luck, happy onward travels and Happy New Year. 

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If you have any immediate concerns for your mental health or safety, or that of a loved one, you can reach out to support services, such as:

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