CLERY’S IS BACK in business today after several months out of action.
We welcome back the Dublin institution with open arms, but not all department store experiences are as joyous as a jaunt in under the famous clock.
It’s time we came to terms with them…
1. They’re lying to us
LOOK AT THIS!
2. You’ll never be able to fold the shirts the way they do
You can watch all the videos you want, but you’ll never get there.
3. Don’t turn right
Department stores place all of their best swag to the right of the door, because they count on you to turn right.
Why not stick it to the man and turn left. I’M SPARTACUS!
4. You’ll find the ‘up’ escalator easily enough…
… but it’s trickier to find the ‘down’ because THEY NEVER WANT YOU TO LEAVE.
5. You will see at least 6 children dying of boredom
This will bring back painful memories of your own childhood, sitting under a rack of skirts in Arnotts, or Switzers, or Guineys for what seemed like days.
6. You’re going to be disappointed by your visit to the café
Located on the 5th floor, department store cafés are where paninis and bakewell tarts go to die.
You will be so parched by the 69 degree celsius heat in the store though, that you’ll be glad to choke back a €2.79 sparkling water.
7. There’s never a bunch of lost priests in the lingerie section
No matter how hard you look.
8. You’re never going to get locked in overnight
This was your childhood dream, right? Ours too.
You’d be able to eat all the pick n mix:
Jump on all the beds:
And play with all the toys:
Share your department store experiences in the comment section. And if you ever got locked in overnight, you’re our hero…
