REMEMBER THE LAST time you delved into a packet of Doritos and clutched one of those tasty triangles between your fingers?
Yeah, us too. (Good times.)
And remember that sinking feeling you got as you looked mournfully at said chip and realised that your gender would prevent you from enjoying it to its fullest?
Yeah, us neither, which suggests we may need not be the brand’s target demographic when it comes to the launch of their new lady-friendly chips.
In what sounds like a report which should have landed on April 1, the folk behind the humble Dorito have identified a supposed concern among women folk when it comes to the consistency of the chip.
Apparently, the female of the species have trouble making their way through a packet in public because consuming the corn chips doesn’t exactly encourage ‘lady-like’ behaviour.
No, seriously.
As Twitter desperately searched for a punchline, Indra Nooyi, global chief executive at PepsiCo, which owns Doritos, joyfully confirmed that women’s time has finally come on the chip front.
“Although women would love to crunch crisps loudly, lick their fingers and pour crumbs from the bag into their mouth afterwards, they prefer not to do this in public.” she said.
News to us, but OK.
As you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom.
Speaking to Freakonomics Radio, Indra provided a questionable insight into women’s preferred method of Dorito-binging, and it sounds pretty inaccurate from where we’re standing.”
Women I think would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.
Unsurprisingly, Twitter had a lot to say on the subject.
Oh good. Those manly Doritos were just getting too hard for me to handle. How dare I not look feminine eating chips?! #Doritos https://t.co/RT6buk3w7F
— Heather (@imayhaveapoint) February 5, 2018
The funniest part of the idea for #Doritos lady sized packs to fit in handbags is that we usually carry the biggest bloody handbags known to man... like bitch we could fit a multibag in those fuckers!! pic.twitter.com/NJrNsIk3Sx
— Danielle Dewhurst (@Danni8891) February 5, 2018
Glad that @Doritos have finally made a lady friendly crisp. The number of years that my wife has suffered with man-only crisps is ridiculous. Something needed to change.
— Matthew Pope (@mattnevpope) February 5, 2018
The fight for equality is well and truly over. What a time to be alive :| #Doritos #gender #everydaysexism
Will the new Lady @Doritos come in a pink bag at a significant markup compared to "Man Crisps" because as a delicate lady this is what I require #areyoushittingme #doritos #IWillSmashSomeCheeseDoritosAnyTimeAnywhereIDGAF
— Farts McCool (@kittyboostore) February 5, 2018
[Looks around at literally every woman on earth] Do you wanna take this or should I? #doritos #ladieswhocrunch https://t.co/jXh3xytBiQ
— shani silver (@shanisilver) February 5, 2018
Now, call us cynical (or, indeed, hopeful), but as we have yet to hear of a lady-friendly launch date, we’re not holding our breath on this one.
