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A definitive ranking of the many ways to eat eggs

Eggs, how do I eat thee? Let me count the ways.

TODAY IS WORLD Egg Day. And the thoughts of the nation have turned to eggs.

For anyone considering eating an egg today – and let’s face it, you pretty much have to – we’ve created this useful ranking to help you select the appropriate cooking method.

This ranking is final and definitive.

11. Egg mayonnaise

Source: NatalieMaynor

“You know what would improve these eggs? Egg sauce!” SAID NOBODY, EVER.

10. Baked eggs

Source: Shutterstock

The insufferable hipster of the egg world. The egg equivalent of serving coffee in a mason jar. The egg that looks down on all the other eggs and tells them it prefers their unfertilised stuff.

Plus who has ramekins? Nobody, that’s who.

9. Hard boiled

Source: Wanna Be Creative

Hard boiled eggs are a necessary evil, like rich tea biscuits or cauliflower. They’re not there for joy and happiness, they’re there so your most boring relatives have something to put on the table.

And let’s be straight here: no food that resembles baked eyeballs this much should be a major part of our national conversation.

8. Devilled eggs

Source: jasonlam

Egg mayonnaise is a cunning enemy, and it takes many forms. Here it is, for example, masquerading shamelessly as a different dish. A BIT OF POXY MUSTARD DOESN’T FOOL US, EGG MAYONNAISE.

7. Soft boiled

Source: joyosity

Now we’re getting somewhere. They pair excellently with toast AND have an interesting variation in texture.

Essentially the soft-boiled egg is like the hard-boiled egg’s racy cousin, who emigrated to America and wears loads of makeup and brings home deadly sweets every time they come to visit.

6. Poached 

Source: Gordon Flood

Is there anything more satisfying that putting your fork into a freshly poached egg and watching the yolk splurge all over your toast?

To be honest, they’re only down this far in the ranking because of the severe risk of making a balls of them and ending up with a hard-yolked disaster.

5. Spanish tortilla

Source: tedesco57

Egg, potato and (if you’re lucky) onion. A strangely wonderful combination.

Also, it’s the only kind of egg you can pick up and eat like a cake, which is obviously the ideal for all foodstuffs.

4. Fried

Source: imgdive

It goes without saying that these are best when fried in the rasher grease. God I love eggs.

3. Scrambled

Source: avlxyz

To be honest, these would be top of the list, but for the difficulty of getting them right. Thirty seconds too little, and you’ve got runny brains all over your toast. Thirty seconds too long, and you’re dealing with a congealed egg-cake.* You’re walking the tightrope here.

*Which, despite my comments about the Spanish tortilla, is not a good thing.

2. Scotch egg

Source: Lachlan Hardy

The only way to have an entire fried breakfast, while pretending to yourself that it’s just an egg. Genius.

Frankly, the person who first thought of wrapping eggs up in a delicious winter coat of sausagemeat and breadcrumbs should be given some kind of medal and/or plum position in the civil service.

1. Omelette

Source: wEnDaLicious

Ham, onion, peppers, delicious oozy cheese in the middle… the omelette is what you make of it. In fact, it’s not even about the omelette. It’s about YOU.

It’s also one of the only egg dishes that you can feel good about eating for any meal of the day. We hereby crown omelette the king of eggs. Bow down.

More: A definitive ranking of the many ways to eat potatoes>

About the author:

Michael Freeman

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