GETTING YO HURR did at the salon is one of the most stressful experiences in the life of any woman.
So much is tied up in those precious few hours – will our appearance be enhanced, or destroyed?
Half of the emotions women feel in the hairdressers are due to not having a clue what’s going on.
Hairdressers know exactly how to get our desired end look, we’re just sitting there watching them do it. And freaking out.
Arriving at the hairdressers: Hope
Time for my appointment. I’ve got a picture of Cheryl Cole/Beyoncé/Jennifer Aniston. I’m going to come out of the hairdressers just like this and my life will be vastly improved.
5 mins in: Slight fear
I want just ONE INCH off the bottom, and some bay-lee-ayge. Balayage? Balayage. What if it doesn’t come out exactly how I want it to? Am I better off just leaving it? Guide me, hair guru.
10 mins in: Confusion
What are they saying? It’s all hairdresser speak. Just nod and smile. They know what you want. You have pictures, sure.
15 mins in: Calm
I’ve got a stack of gossip magazines, some tea, and the will to be beautiful. Let us begin.
25 mins in: Contentedness
Just getting foul-smelling goo plastered all over my head. Foul-smelling goo that will make me lovely.
40 mins in: Major panic
WHY IS IT ORANGE? I WANT ASHY BLONDE.
1 hr in: Relief
Oh, they’re putting toner in it. OK. I can live with this.
1 hr 20 mins in: Relaxation
Gentle hair wash followed by a head massage in the big Shiatsu chair? Don’t mind if I do.
1 hr 40 mins in: Satisfaction
Time for the cut. Look at those split ends just fly away. This is SUCH a treat.
1 hr 50 mins in: Slight panic
What are they doing back there? This is getting far too short for my liking.
2 hrs 20 mins in: Boredom
I’ve been under this hair dryer for 84 years now. I don’t care if my hair is orange any more. It’s all OK. I’ll just go home.
2 hrs 40 mins in: More panic
I asked for a blow dry with volume, I know. But there is so much volume.
3 hrs in: Desperation
I need to get out of here. Do I want serum in my hair? Yes. Do I want some hairspray? Yes, yes of course. Anything. Just let me be finished.
Immediately after leaving the hairdressers: Disorientation
The sunshine stings my eyes after hours inside. My head feels lighter, there are itchy hairs stuck in my top – what is all this?
10 mins after leaving: Joy
I’m out! And I have lovely HAAAIIIRRR!!!
