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Dublin: 6 °C Friday 14 December, 2018
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The Great 2014 Eurovision Drinking Game

First you gotta speed it up! Then you gotta slow it down! Then you gotta play our drinking game. (No alcohol necessary.)

IT’S CHRISTMAS FOR those of us who revel in kitsch, unabashedly adore Europop, and can’t resist a good shout at the telly about “bloc voting”.

That’s right – it could only be Eurovision. Strap yourself in. This is DailyEdge.ie calling! Hello Copenhagen!

What you will need:

A telly

If you don’t have a TV, never fear. The festivities can also be streamed live on the RTE player and also at Eurovision.tv. You shall go to the ball.

Rudolf on the telly, 1995 NB: cat on top not essential Source: Finn Frode (DK)

Some pals if possible – failing that, get on Twitter

Eurovision is something best enjoyed in company. Get some mates round, follow along with #Eurovision or #JoinUs, and tune into the DailyEdge.ie live-blog.

A beverage

Whatever tipple you usually guzzle in front of the telly – doesn’t have to be alcoholic, of course. The Eurovision is trippy enough by itself without necessarily adding double vision to the mix. Cocktail or mocktail, though, you’ll need something to drink.

Source: ReeseCLloyd

How to play:

Take one slurp of your Fanta, tea, spiked Kombucha, or whatever your weapon of choice is, every time you spot the following…

1. A key change

Everyone key changing all over the place like they’re Westlife standing up off their stools. Emotional pay dirt – and one sip, my friend.

Source: harvardbsa.com

Emote! Now emote HARDER IN A DIFFERENT KEY!

Source: Tumblr

2. Glitter canons and/or fire

Or any kind of pyrotechnic wizardy.

Source: marcjohn.de

Drink deep – for legend has it when you cut the thick veins of our mighty Eurovision, it is sparkling glitter and not mere blood that seeps out.

Source: Tumblr

3. Irish flags

You’ll see them there, waving wildly in the crowd, making a show of us in their messy face-paint. Knock one back for the Irish contingent.

Here's Ryan from last year AKA Paddy Last Source: Eurovision Ireland.net/Facebook

4. Any old flags, actually

Actually, feck it, knock one back for the Swedish contingent. And the French. And be magnanimous and slug for the UK fans. Why not? It’s Eurovision. A night of European brother- and sister-hood across all nations, in the name of… waving flags and pop.

Source: AP/Press Association Images

5. Weird dub-step breakdown

This is a recent, but pervasive, addition to the Eurovision’s sonic arsenal. Drink when you hear that familiar wub-wub-wub drop. Heavy. Reach for the lasers.

Armenia is this year’s top dub-step offender, but check out this Montenegro hopeful. Skrillex would be raging.

Source: Eurovision Song Contest/YouTube

6. Distractingly bad back-up dancers

Yep. You had one job, guys. One job.

Eurovision in Concert - and then what was THIS? C'mon you guys. Put on some tops and learn the moves properly Source: CharlesFred

7. Outfit metamorphosis

Eurovision has really come a long way since the days of Buck’s Fizz.

bucks

Alright, so that’s a lie, and outfit changes mid-song are still big business. In more contemporary times, though, there could be lights involved, or wigs being removed, or all sorts. Any sort of change to the performer’s clothing is a slurp of your Coke.

Source: Barnorama

8. Incomprehensible gibberish and/or language mash-ups

Now – before you start. We don’t mean foreign languages. We mean when acts literally sing in incomprehensible gobbledegook in order to “transcend” language and appeal to all the countries watching. See also: constantly changing languages. It’s like Las Ketchup writ large sometimes at Eurovision. Nein danke, European amis.

Remember the “ZEEBEN ZEEBEN!” hysterics from 2007’s excellent Ukrainian entry? It contains lyrics in German, English, Russian AND Ukrainian.

Source: Eurovision Song Contest/YouTube

9. Foreign language ballad

Take a drink when someone in a bad debs dress starts caterwauling in a language you don’t recognise. Actually, this is also an ideal time to pop to the jacks. We’ll mind your drink.

Source: Barnorama

10. Utter, unashamed, gleeful cheese

Eurovison has tried to become all David Guetta in recent years, but there are some countries who didn’t get the memo about slick production values and still show up in body stockings singing about pineapples. God love them – they’re what this is really all about. Drink!

Source: Tumblr

11. Awkward host banter

It’s some sort of unbreakable Law of Eurovision that the host country’s presenters must attempt to be effortlessly witty and must fail miserably at every cringetastic turn.

Source: Tumblr

12. Overly long looks at camera while singing

S-stop it. STOP IT, LOOK AWAY. Are they trying to mind-meld us into voting? Because it’s just coming off like someone drunk trying to flirt at last orders.

13. A weird prop

This year, in the semis alone, we already had a gerbil wheel and also a weird perspex rod thing. Drink also if the act’s onstage performance involves some unfollowable but grandly theatrical conceit/interpretive dance.

Source: Barnorama

14. ”Hello, Dublin!”

“HELLO, COPENHAGEN!”

When the Irish representative comes on screen to give our points, with that wonky backdrop of the Four Courts, it is mandatory to cheer and down your drink.

Source: DailyEdge.ie

Source: escireland.com

15. Someone complains about “bloc voting”

If you’re with pals, or joining in on Twitter, there will always come a point at the evening during which someone believes themselves to be capable of cracking complex geopolitical jokes about countries and their voting. Sigh. Drink.

Source: DailyEdge.ie

16. Forced green room joviality

Rivalling the awkwardness of the host country presenters for sheer cringe. Lots of waving, lots of blowing kisses, lots of garbled shouts. But if you look a little closer at the green room antics, you’ll see they’re all holding glasses too. Drink!

Source: Eurovision.tv/Andres Putting

17. And finally…

If you really wanna go balls to the wall, drink every time anyone says “Douze points”. Goodnight, Copenhagen. Switch the lights off when you go.

BBC Eurovision Semifinal Source: Ramones Karaoke

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About the author:

Fiona Hyde

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