1. When you’re chatting away to someone you’re certain is named Sinéad and you’re like, “Yes, great point, Sinead” and a few moments later, you hear them introduce themselves as Saoirse and you legitimately want to crawl into a hole and die.
2. When you’re out and about, and someone points out to you that the tag is still on your top/dress/jacket.
3. When you’re strutting confidently around the club…. and realise there’s tissue paper stuck to the sole of your shoe. Terrific!
4. When you take a tumble after having so much as a *sip* of alcohol and you have to be like, “No, I’m not drunk, I swear,” but you can feel everyone thinking, “She’s a state, God love her.”
5. When you accidentally send a text to the person the text is about and you have to decide whether you’re going to (a) be an adult and accept the consequences or (b) PRETEND IT WAS A HILARIOUS PRANK!
6. When you make a terrible Dad joke to a taxi driver/delivery man/person doing work in your house and they don’t hear you and you’re forced to repeat yourself even though it’s just a terrible joke and it really doesn’t matter.
7. When you’re midway through a story and you know you’re boring the tits off everyone, but you’re so far into it that there’s no going back.
8. When you VERY CONFIDENTLY push a door and it turns out to be a pull.
9. When you think you’re queuing on the right side in the shop… and then you see a longer queue begin to form at the other side.
10. When you’re accidentally staring at someone AND THEY MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH YOU.
11. When you ‘favourite’ a tweet that’s in the middle of a conversation just to make it abundantly clear that you’ve been creeping.
12. When you accidentally drop an innuendo in a wholly inappropriate context and have to compose yourself.
13. When so-called “friends” start commenting on a photo of you in the horrors from 2009 on Facebook and you start to fret that it’s appearing on everyone’s timelines :O
14. When you’re watching telly with your parents and something borderline pornographic starts happening. “Tea, anyone?”
15. When someone on telly uses some slang for sex/drugs that your parents don’t understand and they ask you to explain it. “I’ve never heard of it.”
16. When you have a wedding present but you don’t want to disrupt the bride and groom and can’t see where people are leaving them. You either (a) leave it on a table and hope someone notices it or (b) end up carrying it around for the day and posting it a few weeks later.
17. When you make a hames of folding something back up in the shop and just sort of leave it there in a ball and leave. (All while terrified that a security guard will reprimand you when you leave.)
18. When you’re with your Mam in a slightly notions place and she starts barking about how expensive everything is. “€8 FOR A SANDWICH, WELL NOW.”
19. When you leave an ‘x’ on a text to someone you are most certainly not in a ‘leaving-x-on-a-text’ relationship with AKA your boss/landlord/fella you’re buying a car from on DoneDeal.
20. When someone goes in to kiss your cheek and you either (a) just sort of press your cheek against theirs or (b) go for a second kiss when the other person isn’t. Swallow us up.
