1. When you momentarily think you’ve lost your phone
“Ah Jesus lads wait where’s my phone, ah no I just had it, where the f…
….oh no wait, here it is”.
2. When you can’t immediately locate your wallet
“I always put it in this pocket, some louser’s after taking it, I’ll have to cancel my cards…
…oh, it’s in my hand”.
3. When you think you’ve sent a text/email/gchat to the wrong person
“I’ll have to quit/throw myself down the stairs/run away to live by my wits in the woods…
…oh no wait, it didn’t send. Grand”.
4. When you think it’s on you, it feels like it’s on you
“Oh Jesus Christ what’s that? There’s a spider in my hair! GET IT OUT! GET IT OU…
… oh it’s just a feather. Phew”.
5. When you think you’re about to crash and die
“What is that lunatic driver doing? Is he about to pull out? HE IS, HE’S GOING TO PULL OUT IN FRONT OF US AND KILL US ALL…
… oh he’s parked. He’s not even moving. Panic over”.
6. When you think you’re going to fall down some stairs/an escalator
“Oh no I’m tipping forward, I’m going to die, goodbye cruel world…
… phew, thank goodness for handrails”.
7. When you can’t remember your PIN number
“I must be having a stroke. How will I ever access my money/phone again?..
… oh wait, it’s 1234″.
Aaaaand breathe.
