Dublin: 14 °C Thursday 5 October, 2023
# Cash Money
7 services you’d happily pay for on Facebook
From the spoiler filter to the sober companion.

WORD IS OUT that Facebook is running a test scheme in the UK through which users pay up to £11 to send messages to celebs and people they’re not already friends with on the network.

For example, if you wanted to send a message to someone like Bill Bailey, it would cost you 71 pence, with the price increasing to £10.68 for household names like Tom Daley.

We’re not really sure if this is going to take off, but it has got us thinking about some services we would be willing to pay for.

An airbrushing/photo editing service

Let’s be real.  You can’t be on Facebook all the time, and occasionally a ‘friend’ will upload a photo of you which should have been deleted the minute it was taken.

If you’re online you can untag yourself, but if you’re not, it is up there shouting about its existence to everyone you are connected to.



This service would keep an eye on the images posted of you and provisionally hide them until you get a chance to have a look yourself?  For extra, you could even get a professional airbrush on them.

The new partner edit

You’ve just started seeing someone, and they’ve added you on Facebook.  Can you be confident that your profile puts the best you forward?

What if there are horrible or incriminating photographs on there that seemed hilarious at the time?  What if an in-joke related exchange with a friend paints you in a bad light out of context?  What if you just had a really stupid day one time?

For a small fee, Facebook would give your profile the once over, to ensure that only the things that make you look attractive and delightful remain.

Can't see the image?  Try re-loading the page. Via Imgur

Am I bad on Facebook?

We all know them.  The people who are really lovely in real life, but just horrific on Facebook.  Perhaps they're boring, or maybe they moan all the time, or feel the need to constantly update you on every cough or snivel they're experiencing.

They're good people, they're just failing when it comes to their 'brand' on social media.

The thing is, they probably have no idea that their Facebook usage is giving them a bad image, which means you could unknowingly be one of them.

This new service will assess your Facebook persona and tell you the truth.  Perhaps you just need to stop with the pictures of your dinner, or maybe you're exceeding the acceptable number of 'posts about your baby' .  Wouldn't you rather know?

A proofreading service

If you are someone who cares about grammar (and there are lots of us out there), the tiniest error can shame you to your very core.

Whether it's a misplaced apostrophe, or using the wrong 'your' or 'their' (the absolute worst), it would be nice if someone was keeping an eye out for these errors before your posts go public.

God forbid a status should be up on everyone's timeline for an entire day before you cop on to your mistake.


Sober Facebook companion

You know how it is.  You're 'up in da club' and suddenly messaging that ex seems like a really good idea.  But wait, you've deleted their phone number to prevent you from doing this.  That's ok though!  You can always Facebook!

You sober Facebook companion will assess posts and messages submitted at certain times of the day, and if they appear to be something the user will regret, they'll put a hold on them going live.

This also works for 'OHMIGODSOLOCKED.COM hilarrrrious hahahaha.  Work tomorrow, I'm screwed' statuses written on school nights when you're friends with your boss.  Probably best if they don't go live.

The message retriever

Sending out a group message on Facebook can be tricky.  You're going through your friends, choosing who to invite to a special event/who to share an important piece of information with, and only realise after you click send that you've included someone you shouldn't have.

Perhaps you've accidentally told your aunt about the previous night's debauchery, or maybe you've sent the message to the person whose surprise party you're trying to organise.

The Facebook message retrieval system would grab back those messages, and minimise the damage.

Can't see the image?  Try reloading the page.

The Spoiler Filter

There's nothing more frustrating than missing the series finale of your favourite show, or indeed a very important match.  Fortunately, modern technology allows us to record important things on television and watch them at our earliest convenience.

Unfortunately, modern technology also allows everyone else in the world to have open discussions on public forums about the end result of said series finales and matches.

The spoiler filter would weed out any potential posts that might spoil your enjoyment of something you have recorded.

Of course, there's very little that can be done about people who are just jerks.

The intimate exchange filter

You love your friends and you're very happy that they're in love with each other.

That doesn't mean you need to read their sappy romantic exchanges on Facebook.

This filter would remove all loving exchanges between those in relationships.  No one needs to see it.


What Facebook services would you pay for?

Poll: Would you pay to send private messages on Facebook?>

Facebook testing system where users pay to contact celebrities: report>

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