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Faking it

8 things men just don't understand about fake tan

Haven’t a breeze what’s going on.

MOST GUYS PRETTY much have no idea how the complex process of fake tan gets applied – or how fake tan even came to be the way it is.

So, a practical and concise list of all the things lads just don’t get about it seems in order:

1. Why does it smell so bad?

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We’re in the 21st century here. Surely somebody, somewhere should have standardised the fake tan smell at an appropriate stench fit for human consumption?

It would be great if we could isolate the key ingredient that makes it smell the way it does and just take it out. For everyone’s sake.

2. That mitt that’s used to apply the tan, what’s up with that?

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It’s the mystical mitt. Can you use it for different shades of tan or do you have multiple mitts? Does the mitt get washed regularly?


3. Surely by now they should have invented a tan that doesn’t stain everything so horrendously

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Maybe this exists? If it does, it should be DOMINATING the fake tan market. Obviously, if it doesn’t exist, then science needs to take a long, hard look at itself.

4. How do white clothes and fake tan work together?

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Is this even a possibility? We’re imagining it to be a perilous situation.

5. Is same-day tanning ever OK?

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Usually it goes on the night before, yes, but in emergency circumstances can you just throw it on before a night out?

6. Blending make-up and fake tan into one consistent colour would appear to be a work of art

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A skill that might be beyond us. How exactly is that achieved?

7. Does fake tan take an absolute age to come off?

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We know a fair bit about its application, but what about the next day? Does it all come off straight in the shower, or does it depend on how much is on? Questions.

8. We’ve helped with applying it to your back, what happens if you’re getting ready with no friends there?

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Does this mean there will be a white gap on your back, like Ross above? Or does it just get unevenly applied? Some guys out there have mastered the art of the back-application of fake tan, so they might want to know if the skill is even necessary.

Fake tan: a riddle wrapped in a conundrum inside a bottle.

All explanations welcome.

More 10 things Irish girls need their boyfriends to know>

More 11 things Irish men want their girlfriends to realise>

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