Dublin: 12 °C Wednesday 22 March, 2023
# would you be well
15 things that are far from where you were raised
*said in mam voice*

1. ’Twas far from complex Iarnród Éireann sandwiches you were raised

2. And it was certainly far from decorative ice outside the glass you were reared

3. €13 boxes of cereal? Away with ye

4. There were no chicken dipper canapes back in the day

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5. Look at the little trolley half full of chips

6. And when you were a baba there wasn’t much sweet potato and pear organic grub

7. You never had much use for glitter in juice

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8. Or a Paul Costelloe wooden board


9. When even your phone can tell you not to be typing that

10. You were reared 100 miles from Ciabatta Crumbed Irish Ham and its likes

11. Back then, Fruit Pastilles were just Fruit Pastilles

12. And even regular Magnums were a stretch

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13. “Salt and vinegar? No, no. Pink Himalayan Rock Salt and vinegar, please”

14. “Would you be well buying this bag of crisps?” says your mam in the supermarket

15. And finally… ’twas DEFINITELY far from yacht varnish you were raised

Yacht. Varnish.

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