THE WAITSTAFF AT the First Dates restaurant are lovely.
They’re charming, they’re funny, they’re friendly and they’re always ready to jump in and make things a little less awkward if they can see that a date is going badly.
Waitress Alice is always quick to run over and have a little chat when any dater is left alone because their partner headed to the bathroom.
This is especially helpful for dispelling awkwardness when the daters are older, because they’re less likely to just stare at their phone while their partner is in the jacks, like the rest of us would.
Last night, 56-year-old Oscar Wilde enthusiast Patrick was introduced.
When describing himself, the actor and writer decided to use an Oscar Wilde quote:
The gods have given me almost everything. I have genius, a distinguished name, high social position, brilliancy, intellectual daring. I made art a philosophy, and philosophy an art.
Patrick was paired up with a 53-year-old entrepreneur named Valerie.
It wasn’t long before Patrick was mentioning the fact that his Parisian ex-wife was “much younger” than him. Before the food arrived, Patrick decided to pay a visit to the little boys room, and Alice came over to chat to Valerie about her dress, her children and her pet dog.
When Patrick returned from the bathroom, Alice told him that she and Valerie had been chatting about their dogs. Patrick asked the what Alice’s dog was called, and she told him the dog was called Libby.
Once they had finished their meal, Alice came to collect the dishes. Patrick said “Thanks, Libby”, not realising that this was the name of Alice’s dog.
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Over and over again, Patrick kept calling Alice by her dog’s name (sounds like a potential hit movie – Call Me By Your Dog’s Name), and eventually she had to clarify that Libby was not her name. Awkward.
Things did not improve much for Valerie and Patrick after this.
He spent a substantial part of the evening talking about how he managed to get dates with “drop dead gorgeous women” who were twenty years younger than him and Valerie looked like this for most of the night:
Patrick told this story of how he was catfished by a woman who was actually in her eighties, despite looking like she was thirty-something on Plenty of Fish. Her response? “D’ya know what? You deserved it.”
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So, it’s no surprise that Valerie’s answer when she was asked if she would go on another date with Patrick was:
[20 second long pause ] No.
If the video won’t play, click here.
Normally viewers find it extremely frustrating when a dater who knows that the answer is no tells their date to answer the question first. This time around, people excused it.
